Am I Going Nuts?

by Ben Paddon

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He awoke to discover that he was now a packet of dry roasted peanuts. And, understandably, he didn’t react well to this discovery.

He struggled to make out his location. Difficult, especially when you’re a packet of dry roasted peanuts and don’t actually have any eyes, but with some difficulty he was able to see where he was. He was on a shelf in his local corner shop.

He tried to collect his thoughts. Currently, his thoughts were located in a dry roasted peanut near the bottom of the bag, covered in crumbs. Naturally, there was a lot on his mind (mostly other peanuts) but he tried to focus on how he’d come to this very sad state.

A bell rang as the door open, and in walked a woman. A real stunner. His jaw would’ve dropped to the floor if he’d had one. But then he realised who she was. She’s the one who did this to him! She reached up to the shelf and, grinning ominously, plucked him from the shelf, then walked over to the counter in the store.

She was buying him. This didn’t bode well for his future.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Am I Going Nuts?

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 10 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Hilarious! I loved the linen about a lot being on his mind, mostly other peanuts. Odd, odd, and fun.
    LoA

  2. Am I Going Nuts?

    White Hat's Buddy Icon White Hat

    Posted 10 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Isn’t there a They Might Be Giants song with a similar premise? Something about a bag of groceries?

  3. Am I Going Nuts?

    The Lady's Buddy Icon The Lady

    Posted 10 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    This was completely not what I expected when I saw the title. And then I read that first sentence and went, ”...what…?” for a few seconds. But in a delighted way.

  4. Am I Going Nuts?

    Ben Paddon's Buddy Icon Ben Paddon

    Posted 10 months ago

    Re: White Hat – I wouldn’t know. My exposure to They Might Be Giants is limited to “Birdhouse in your Soul” and “Experimental Film” (specifically the rather excellent covers by the chap from Songs To Wear Pants To).

  5. Am I Going Nuts?

    someday_93's Buddy Icon someday_93

    Posted 10 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Oh my! Totally not what I was expecting, but hilariously funny! I’d pick a favorite line, but there’s too many. Really great!

  6. Am I Going Nuts?

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 10 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Yep, I know that They Might Be Giants song, not one of their upbeat, funny ones. And I think most of the lyrics were just odd and vague, not really exploring the idea.

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