Ficlets

Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View

Brandon was watching from the barn with a piece of haystraw hanging from the corner of his mouth. He saw Skyler the second his red head bobbed to the front of the bus.

His mom had brought him early because she knew there’d be an hysterical phone call, a crazy rush to the farm, prolly a trip to the ‘mergency room, and a few stitches. Wailing, screaming, crying and blame. Always blame. Always somebody else’s fault. Usually his. Not this time, though. He was safe.

Safely standing by Grandma. Ha- ha! He smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. He watched the old limping farmer march up to Skyler and grab him by the scruff of the neck like a bad puppy.

He ripped Skyler away from that monster flower thing, the scream that had been muffled came fully audible. All million decibles of it. Brandon dropped the haystraw from his mouth and clamped his hands over his ears at the piercing noise. Squinting his eyes, looking up at Grandma. He couldn’t help but grin.

He was a miniature version of his brother.

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Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
Jenunique
Posted 9 months ago

Enter; my other favorite nephew. BTW . I do so love my nephews. And they were perfect for this story. So mischievious, curious and into every thing. After my own heart. ;)
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
Metaphoric Spurs
Posted 9 months ago

I like this story of two mischievious brothers and want to see more.

Constructive comments:”His mom had brought him early” is a bit confusing—I don’t know to whom “his” and “him” is referring, Brandon or Skyler, and to where he was brought early (until I read a few times to sort it out). And I thought Skyler was on the bus, only to be grabbed by the farmer. What’s a “monster flower thing”? Again the “he” at the end is a bit confusing because of the two boy characters.

Keep going!
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
Jenunique
Posted 9 months ago

Sorry, I do agree that it is confusing while reading. Of course I have the beginning, the end, the middle and the real brothers the story is based on running around wildly in my head while trying to decide what exactly they would do next. Since I have used my character limit on this one, this time we’ll all pretend that I included the last “he” as “Brandon”, being a miniature “Skyler.” ;)
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
SKermitgorf
Posted 9 months ago

such genteel southern charm. Funny. and your comments are as long as the ficlets LOL .
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
Metaphoric Spurs
Posted 9 months ago

That’s what makes writing real life events in fiction so difficult-you have everything understood so clearly in your mind that sometimes in the translation to paper small details are skipped and the reader can get confused. Pronouns always get tricky with characters of the same gender! Keep writing! If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t comment. ;)
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
Metaphoric Spurs
Posted 9 months ago

Whoops. That wasn’t meant to be crossed out. I used an em dash.
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
judee4u2
Posted 9 months ago

LOL I understood it all perfectly well. They were brothers but I understood that “he” was Brandon because that is who you were talking about! I guess you could have used the “scientific” name for the “monster flower thing” so people who hadn’t read the prequel would know what it was, but not so sure that would have cleared anything up! LOL Most of the time, you guys write totally over my head anyway! But I love to read them. Good job! I can’t wait to see what they get into next.
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
Jenunique
Posted 9 months ago

Crap. I have to get back to work today. I will be trying to pay attention during those boring meetings and my mind will be going over what the brothers are doing at the farm. My notes will not consist of better teaching methods but of monster flowers and small red headed field trippers running amuck. ;) More to come, soon.
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
Jenunique
Posted 9 months ago

Yeah, my comments have gotten out of hand….
Little Brother gets a Bird's Eye View
Metaphoric Spurs
Posted 9 months ago

Hey, if Ficlets didn’t want long comments, they wouldn’t give you 512 characters! I say if you got ‘em, use ‘em!