The Wrath of an Old Man (Challenge: A Picture is Worth A Thousand Characters)

by Denubis

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The elderly man wiped away tears as the music box in his late daughter’s room ran down. He stared at the shelf of her toys. She was so young and so devoted to the blue-eyed doll the day she died.

Mercy, his fogged memories told him. Mercy was the name of the doll. As the man slowly bent his knees, joints complaining, he clasped his hands. “Oh God,” prayed the man, “Why did you not show mercy? Why did you take my Suzanna?”

Jonas opened his soul and waited for some sign that God was listening. As always, all he felt now was silence. This void in his soul was why he had left the clergy back then.

Wrath surged through the thin, gaunt, frame. Wrath against an uncaring world. Wrath against a spiteful God. With a lurch Jonas rose to his feet, mind a blank. As his arm swept the reminder of his past off the shelf.

The shattering of fragile porcelain brought a measure of sanity to his senses. He looked down to see one unshattered, accusing, blue eye staring at him surrounded by the remains of a priceless antique.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. The Wrath of an Old Man (Challenge: A Picture is Worth A Thousand Characters)

    Denubis' Buddy Icon Denubis

    Posted 8 months ago

    Well, I hadn’t read the other entrants, though it seems that this one is very close to the second entry. Sorry.

  2. The Wrath of an Old Man (Challenge: A Picture is Worth A Thousand Characters)

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted 8 months ago

    powerful images. great sad character in the grieving old man.

  3. The Wrath of an Old Man (Challenge: A Picture is Worth A Thousand Characters)

    Denubis' Buddy Icon Denubis

    Posted 8 months ago

    Thank you.

  4. The Wrath of an Old Man (Challenge: A Picture is Worth A Thousand Characters)

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    That last sentence left me with chills… This is excellent.

  5. The Wrath of an Old Man (Challenge: A Picture is Worth A Thousand Characters)

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 8 months ago

    Great job! Very nice use of the eye fragment to convey a chilling reality.

  6. The Wrath of an Old Man (Challenge: A Picture is Worth A Thousand Characters)

    Jenunique's Buddy Icon Jenunique

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Great piece. The sights and sounds are easy to imagine as the man goes through his emotional ride over losing his daughter.

  7. The Wrath of an Old Man (Challenge: A Picture is Worth A Thousand Characters)

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 8 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Brutal little story, all the way through to the ‘accusing’ glass eye at the end. Masterful description and way of having it play out. Funny how all the entries I’ve read so far are tragic in some way. I guess we’re not fans of dolls?
    LoA

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