I knocked on the door and she let me in. She had a couple of things to take care of before she was ready to leave for dinner. As soon as she left me standing in the living room, I knew I was in trouble. No matter how well the night went, we were doomed.

The countdown to doomsday began as soon as the first cat walked into the room.

Cat ownership is a reliable indicator of a person’s stability. A person who owns one cat probably prefers the company of his pet to the company of people. Someone who owns two cats tolerates the presence of others because you’re not allowed to have cats in prison. Owning three or more cats indicates that you don’t have enough reason to work that last one out.

When she let me in, she introduced me to Cat 1 and Cat 2 (not what she called them) and my back began to sweat just a little. As she walked out of the room, Cat 3 wandered in from the kitchen and I began to wonder if I had a weapon in the car.