“You have got to try this cheese, it’s absolutely divine.” She pushes a cheese board towards me and I start spreading it onto a cracker.Ensuring that every part of the cracker is covered in an equal amount of cheese.

“Look, Sam, we need to talk, it’s about Julie.” The cracker’s halfway to my mouth, she looks serious. I tear my concentration from the cheese.

“What about Julie?”

“I was in Covent Garden the other day and I saw her there.” This doesn’t seem important enough to interrupt good cheese over.

“She goes to Covent Garden all the time, practically every Saturday.”

“Yes, I expect she does Sam, it’s just, well, I don’t know how to tell you this, Julie’s a living statue.”

I throw my cracker down onto the table “It must have been someone else, Julie hates those things as much as I do, you’re making it up.”

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me, you never do.” She marches off, I put her strange behaviour down to hormones. I pick the cracker up and bite into it, she was right, this cheese is divine.