Ficlets

Offworld Weirdos

“You know those things over there are pretty much perverts, right?”

“How do you figure?”

“Well, for starters, that one on the left was hitting on you.”

“Uhm, is that why it kept poking me in the ear when we were at the counter?”

“That’s sort of the Z’arlgagh equivalent of a pickup line.”

“Oh God, I think my bagel’s coming back up.”

“So, yeah, that thing thinks you’re cute. Don’t you think that’s a bit weird?”

“What, me being cute?”

“No, I think you are. But, do you think it’s cute?”

“Christ! No way. It’s got too many tentacles.”

“If you had tentacles, you might be into it.”

“Ugh, that’s so creepy.”

“Don’t you think having just two boney arms and grabby fingers might be a bit creepy to them?”

“Hmm, I suppose.”

“And, you know, every one of them volunteered for the expedition from Z’arlgath.”

“So?”

“They’ve all got fetishes for Earthlings. That’s how they do first contact. And, that’s how they get their weirdos offworld.”

“If those are the weirdos, what the hell are the rest of them like?”

Average Reader Rating:

Offworld Weirdos
Loonyklownz
Posted about 1 year ago

I have a close friend who calls me a weirdo all the time!
Offworld Weirdos
SKermitgorf
Posted 6 months ago

HAHA wonderful quirky funny, hysterical.
Offworld Weirdos
White Hat
Posted 5 months ago

Very clever. Nice.
Offworld Weirdos
Nissakit
Posted 4 months ago

Its funny and cute!! Good job!
Offworld Weirdos
Robotech_Master
Posted 4 months ago

That was utterly hilarious. Good job with the dialogue. As in my own “No Bones About It,” it’s a great way to be evocative without wasting too many words on description.
Offworld Weirdos
THX 0477
Posted 2 months ago

Of course, aliens would have weirdos too. Funny, funny dialog all on a rather silly thought process but also hinting at a bit of an adventure.
Offworld Weirdos
PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)
Posted about 1 month ago

Novel put practical idea. I think earth needs to get rid of some weirdos too. Let’s make contact as soon as possible!