Edmund the Extractor

by thebetweenspace

Add to AIMShare

Two zombies darted at him at the speed of tortoise (because they had to adjust their walkers). He parried their blows, his back against the wall. He needed a distraction. He had to think fast. “Look, those teenagers’ pants are down to their knees. Get ‘em!”

They turned and devoured the youth. Blood running down their chins, they turned back to him. He quickly evaded them, sprinting down the hall, only to be boxed in by two more zombies. My God, I’ve been treed, he thought to himself.

But then he remembered their weakness. He strapped on his diaper-launcher and fired at will. Disoriented, the zombies checked their diapers, and sure enough it was changing time. They slowly ambled toward the bathroom to change. That was a close call, he thought, and I’m running low on ammo. I’ve got to get to the pastor’s study for the extraction.

“Thank God you’re here!” Pastor Dave exclaimed. “My sermon went long. They’d have eaten me alive.”

“Now, about the money,” said Edmund the Extractor. “It’ll be double.”

Prequels

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Edmund the Extractor

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted 7 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    geriatric zombies.. very funny, fast paced,action packed,witty.

  2. Edmund the Extractor

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted 7 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    the Thank God You’re Here reminds me of the tv game show.. i may use it for a ficlet, thanks for the inspirtation.
    LoA

  3. Edmund the Extractor

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 6 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Haha…this is good. This made me laugh; very nice job with the weirdness and overall originality of it.

Want to comment on this ficlet? You need to sign in!