The Dungeon

by Laine P. Grey

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Delilah sat next to the White Knight. Or at least she thought it was him; it was too dark to tell.
“We’re going to get out of here, love. I will devise a plan.” She whispered in his ear. Startled by a light, she turned to the bars of her cage. “Darsie, I have decided to let you help us. But, I promise you: if you betray us, there aren’t enough guards in the world to protect you.” Silently, the prince nodded. “Why do you want to help us?” Delilah asked gently.
“Because unlike my father, I believe in justice. Because unlike my father, I enjoy your merrymaking. And because unlike my father, I believe you are my sister.”

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Comments

  1. The Dungeon

    butterflygirl6106's Buddy Icon butterflygirl6106

    Posted 4 months ago

    Sequel all over this….

  2. The Dungeon

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 4 months ago

    Ooh, well there’s a shocker. Here I thought he loved her, but she’s his sister? The dialog could have used a bit of breaking up (spacing), and definitely could have used more ‘he said/she said’ to clarify who is talking. All of that can feel clunky and in the way, I know, but it can also force you to be a bit more inventive, replacing ‘said’ with alternatives that give more detail about how the conversation is going.
    LoA

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