Ficlets

I don’t really know my neighbors, but I know their bathroom habits. The woman takes a loud shower every day at 5:30 in the morning, while he enjoys coughing like he’s trying to get rid of a few nicotine-soaked hair-balls.

How do I know this? My landlord, in an inspired hack and slash fit of apartment reallocation, positioned their lavatory directly beneath my bed, and boy, can it amplify sound! I can hear each gargle, clip or plop down there, and I’m pretty sure they can hear every snore, belch or splooge on this end.

I tell you this because there was just an especially heroic coughing session, followed by a smash, which climaxed with a loud crash. Then silence. Maybe a bit too much silence.

What should I do? I mean, I don’t know their names. Do I knock on their door across the hallway and say, “Hello, I was just listening in on some of your bathroom activities and suspect there might be something wrong…”? Or do I wait for the wife to deal with it when she gets home from work?

I’ll probably just wait.