Zoulag grabs a hold

by Ridcully Calvert

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The zombie motions us to follow over to the window. What could it possibly have to show us outside?

I tell Bella to stay put and follow to the window.

As I approach the window, I hear Bella yelp behind me. I turn around and see her in the arms of a zombie. As I gather myself to jump towards her she says “Mwhuraaaaaawwwur!” and the monster drops her and bows!

“What is going on here?” I shout. “Why Monty,” she says, “I am the Zombie nexus, and they are here to do my bidding”.

“But you are a person” I say weakly. “Not all people are affected in the same way by the virus” she retorts, “that is something that you lifetoids have not as yet understood.”

I steel myself to rid the planet of this beautiful monster, but my finger just won’t close on the trigger.

It is almost welcome when I feel the ice cold hands grab me around the shoulders and stabbing pain as the rough teeth bite into the base of my skull. The last thing that I hear as darnkess beckons is “Braaaaaaiiins… hmmmmmm”.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

  1. Zoulag grabs a hold

    BARomero's Buddy Icon BARomero

    Posted 6 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    I’m a little concerned that what started out as a good set between two great writers is starting to stagnate. The problem as I see it is that neither writer is willing to let their characters lose the upper hand to the other’s characters. As a result, this conflict stays at a perpetual stalemate and the action doesn’t rise. Advice: get together privately and work out between yourselves which one of you will drop some yardage on the field, so that the story can open up.

  2. Zoulag grabs a hold

    Ridcully Calvert's Buddy Icon Ridcully Calvert

    Posted 6 months ago

    Hmmmm.. I tend to agree with you BARomero – the sparkle has left. I am going to give it some though and then do a rewrite, and shake things up a bit

  3. Zoulag grabs a hold

    Ridcully Calvert's Buddy Icon Ridcully Calvert

    Posted 6 months ago

    OK, I have posted a new version of the story. I think this one is more interesting than my last attempt

  4. Zoulag grabs a hold

    BARomero's Buddy Icon BARomero

    Posted 6 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    I do like this version better, and I’ve added back a star for it. Hope atllta’s next sequel is based on this version of the story…

  5. Zoulag grabs a hold

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 6 months ago

    Okay, I came in after the rewrite, so Baromero’s first comment made no sense. But it does, in some small part, explain the extremely odd place this just went.
    LoA

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