As I felt the nail enter my foot I knew I was in for a bad day. I must have gotten out of the wrong side of bed, well obviously, there isn’t a loose floorboard I’ve been meaning to fix on the other side.

As I ease my foot off the nail I notice that it’s an hour later than it should be, meaning there’s no way I can get to work on time and just to be acceptably late I’m gonna have to skip lunch and a shower.

My walk to the bus stop is a wary one, I need to get a grasp on the day as soon as possible. Sidestepping a pile of what appears to be horse manure I start to feel a bit more positive. I’m exceedingly pleased with myself when I spot some approaching pigeon overflow and neatly hop out the way of the landing zone.

I feel much less pleased with myself as I fall into an inexplicably open manhole.

I really really wish I’d got out of the other side of bed.