A Mist

by MissJonas1492

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A sea of mist descends upon the unsuspecting city in the early hours of that calm April morning. It gently settles around an Arabian mare, cuddling softly around her front hooves. It swirls colorlessly around the strong head which is chisled to perfection. For a second, the mare is puzzled. What was this eerie calm settling around her? What was the cool dampness that was penetrating her body?
As the sun started to peek out from behind the world, the haze slowly started to fade. The droplets of cool liquid slowly made their descent to the rich soil of the Earth, where it was filtered into the ground to be recaptured only to be formed into a mist again the next day.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

  1. A Mist

    Howie Amourscow's Buddy Icon Howie Amourscow

    Posted about 1 year ago

    3.0 out of 5 stars

    Evocative, but be careful about word choice. Does mist “cuddle”? Or (I apologize if I’m being an ass for this suggestion) does it “caress,” “embrace,” “enfold,” “entwine,” or “envelop”? There’s a famous quote from Mark Twain: “The difference between the almost right word & the right word is… the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” If you don’t already know: a thesaurus is one of a writer’s best tools. (Check: http://thesaurus.reference.com/ if you need one online.) Keep writing!

  2. A Mist

    horrorfan13's Buddy Icon horrorfan13

    Posted about 1 year ago

    3.0 out of 5 stars

    He is sort of right, but it’s still good. The last sentence may need re-worked because it seems too long. Good!

  3. A Mist

    SJHundak/S.J.Willing's Buddy Icon SJHundak/S.J.Willing

    Posted about 1 year ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    I like it a lot, the imagery is good, I query the tense though, you start out with “the mist descends” and then change tense to “the sun started.” Personally I would have used “the sun starts” to keep the tense through the whole piece

  4. A Mist

    Howie Amourscow's Buddy Icon Howie Amourscow

    Posted about 1 year ago

    3.0 out of 5 stars

    Just to clarify something to the author: I would not have offered my comment if I didn’t think your writing had a strong foundation and showed a great deal of promise. Please keep up the good work.

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