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Blank [Jack Cameron's Writing Challenge]

by Ana Cristina

Dream.
About nothing.
That’s about it.
About all I did.
After you left, I died.
I don’t mean physically, of course.
I mean my heart – my soul – died.
My mind became a blank sheet of paper.
I lay in bed and I dreamed empty thoughts.
Waiting for the day you would come back to me.
When you’d fill up my blank pages, my empty life, again.
But I was just now beginning to understand that you never would return.
And I was learning, to my dismay, that even my own heart could heal.

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Blank [Jack Cameron's Writing Challenge]

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 7 months ago

    Not completely thrilled with this. Let me know if I miscounted on any of the lines so I can fix it. I might still add some more to it, after I’ve given my brain some rest. :p

  2. Blank [Jack Cameron's Writing Challenge]

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 7 months ago

    I thought it worked quite well, offering more detail and more depth with each line. Nice work on a difficult challenge.
    LoA

  3. Blank [Jack Cameron's Writing Challenge]

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 7 months ago

    Very fluid, continuous, building in content and development with each line. Poetic. Emotionally empty, as is should be, because the character is longing for something. Maybe that’s why it feels unfinished to you; it’s restless. Nice work!

  4. Blank [Jack Cameron's Writing Challenge]

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 7 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    There’s probably no way I could say it better than these two have, so I’ll just say it’s fantastic for the very reasons their analysis expounds upon!

  5. Blank [Jack Cameron's Writing Challenge]

    YodaOnCrack's Buddy Icon YodaOnCrack

    Posted 7 months ago

    Emotional, real, heartfelt – last line sums it up well. Outstanding work!

  6. Blank [Jack Cameron's Writing Challenge]

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 7 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I actually like how one more word per helped the mood and feel of this. It works. Nice job.

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