One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari

by Aditi Broota

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Isn’t it strange?
She just stares, quietly.
Soaking in every little detail.
The silk, the gold threading, everything…
This, one time, was her mother’s sari.
It was one that she wore; dressed in.
The only thing left, and much better than pictures.
The sari, folded, is slid into her small, open hands.
Ashavari fingers the intricate border, so curiously, so wonderingly, so delicately.
And she takes action, finally, by unfolding the sari, wrapping it around.
She wants to wear it, no matter how big it is on her.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

  1. One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari

    Aditi Broota's Buddy Icon Aditi Broota

    Posted 2 months ago

    Doesn’t seem that great to me, and I’m the writer! So help me out if you have any ideas. I may add more to mine if I can.

  2. One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari

    BARomero's Buddy Icon BARomero

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I like it! It’s very sentimental! Just take out the word counts at the end of each line (even though it’s there for the challenge) and let the story stand on its own.

  3. One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 2 months ago

    I agree with BARo. Maybe you could add a little description of the border, but really, I wouldn’t change it. It is quiet and sweet. A tribute.
    LoA

  4. One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari

    A. Muse Morrington's Buddy Icon A. Muse Morrington

    Posted 2 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Agree with above sentiments. The word count at the end of each sentence is distracting. There’s a rhythm here that almost reads like poetry and gives this piece a very emotional feel.

  5. One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 2 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    I like the different cultural feel. Then again, reading your profile, I guess that makes sense. I’ll come back to your page.

  6. One More Word Writing Challenge - Ashavari's Sari

    Aditi Broota's Buddy Icon Aditi Broota

    Posted about 1 month ago

    thanks guys! i think ill take your suggestions. i should have checked up on this a long time ago but now that i have i’ll make the changes. thnx so much for the help!

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