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Serious as a Heart Attack

by thebetweenspace

The elderly monk kneeled, his robes worn from years of prayer. Despite considerable experience, he never quite learned how to clear his mind of excess thoughts.

“Our Father, who art in heaven,” he started.

You’re a fat little man. Why do you waste all your time praying?

“God is that you?” he whispered. He listened intently, scanning his cell. Nothing.

“Hallowed be thy name.”

You should spend less time praying and more time exercising. You’re a disgusting little man.

The monk examined himself, ashamed of the extra pounds he’d put on recently, thinking he really ought to walk more and drink less wine.

“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven.”

You should call yourself ‘Handles of
Love’.

“Okay, seriously!” The monk shrieked. “God, I’ve had enough! If you really exist, just say something! Anything!

“I don’t normally do this, because -“

The shocked monk slowly crumpled to the floor, holding his chest.

God finished sadly, “every time I answer this prayer someone dies.”

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Serious as a Heart Attack

    Laine the Grey's Buddy Icon Laine the Grey

    Posted 7 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    My goodness. That was – - suprisingly enough, I liked it.

  2. Serious as a Heart Attack

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 7 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Talk about, “Be careful what you wish (or in this case, pray) for – it just might come true!”
    LoA

  3. Serious as a Heart Attack

    A. Muse Morrington's Buddy Icon A. Muse Morrington

    Posted 7 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    This appeals to the dark side of my uniquely Southern-catholic-school upbringing. And, oh yeah – it’s really funny, too. Poor little monk! Christopher Moore would be oh-so-proud.

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