Canteen Kiss

by thetwentyfifthhour

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He kisses me in the canteen, his tongue luminous and wet. The buzz of afternoon cicadas and fluorescent lights ringing in my ears. I push him away.

“What are you doing?” I splutter.

“Stop worrying,” he says, grinning. “We just had to fix the lights, that’s all.”

I can’t stop laughing. It’s been so long since I’ve kissed someone the presence of a wet, excited thing in my mouth is absurd. It takes me a few minutes to get used to his technique, then we fall into a rhythm. A blowfly of light hovers over his watch face. Gold bars of light trap us. He kisses me so hard my mouth begins to bleed. A parrot of light on my shoulder. We walk hand in hand to his car and continue kissing. Finally, he gets into the car and honks as he drives by, swallowed by the buttocks of traffic.

I lick away his kiss, pink and squeaky clean.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Canteen Kiss

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 2 months ago

    Nicely written with a sort of ‘je ne sais quois’ feel to it. I can’t put my finger on the descriptions. They’re out there which is both magical and off-putting. It makes me think of a loosely done cartoon with lots of abstract, swirling colors to represent emotions and stuff.

  2. Canteen Kiss

    thetwentyfifthhour's Buddy Icon thetwentyfifthhour

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Gee thanks THX 0477 . It’s good to get some feedback to what you’re putting out there. Makes you feel like there is some sense to the shouting.

    “Magical and offputting”...hmm. Shall have to have a think about that one.

    :)

  3. Canteen Kiss

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Well, I quite liked this. There is some startling imagery here, especially the line Finally, he gets into the car and honks as he drives by, swallowed by the buttocks of traffic. I had a chuckle reading that.
    Call me crazy, but I like language that makes me read it twice. :p
    LoA

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