A New Home [de ja vu challenge]

by Valley Fey/Pinprick

Add to AIMShare

As the taxi drove over the bridge, I wondered if the movers were too far behind. They should arrive at the new house around the same time I did, or at least I hoped so. My car had broken down yesterday, of all days, the day before a big move. I nearly fell asleep in the backseat of the taxi, green and brown blending together in my window. It stopped in front of my new house, a white two-story concoction with peeling sage-green trim. I paid the driver and walked up to the front door, rummaging around in my purse for the keys. With an excited breath, I unlocked and opened the door.

No.

This was all wrong. The ash staircase, the blue paint on the walls, even the deep purple carpet. A haunting feeling came over me and I felt cold. I heard the taxi pull away outside. The door frame to the yellow-painted kitchen was marked with notches. Not that unusual, Kim I reassured myself, taking deep breaths. So what if it looks like where dad hung the noose? I walked over.

There, in crayon scrawl, “Kim-4’5’’, Aug ‘95”

Prequels

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. A New Home [de ja vu challenge]

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 5 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Neat idea and good use of the deja vu phenomenon for excellent, quiet creepy factor in your little story. Great job on the challenge!

  2. A New Home [de ja vu challenge]

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 5 months ago

    yikes! horrifying! to accidentally revisit a home with Your memories inside? The ones you tried to forget? sub-conscience win out.

  3. A New Home [de ja vu challenge]

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 5 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Oh my gosh, I am completely covered in goose-bumps after reading that. This is my favorite entry in the challenge, hands down.
    LoA

  4. A New Home [de ja vu challenge]

    NightMaiden's Buddy Icon NightMaiden

    Posted 5 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Wow…That gave me the shivers when I read Kim’s thoughts. Talk about her bad luck. Excellent job. Thank you very much for entering!

  5. A New Home [de ja vu challenge]

    JeremyVS's Buddy Icon JeremyVS

    Posted 5 months ago

    Very nice use of the deja vu, and definitely creepy! I also liked the abrupt transition from the excited tone of the beginning, to the horrified tone of the end.

Want to comment on this ficlet? You need to sign in!