Message in a Basement

by THX 0477

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Massive chest heaving deep breaths of anticipation, Agent Lefleur stomped out of the interrogation room, away from his quarry, his prime suspect, to the speaker phone indicated by the underling. She was a junior agent, mainly doing paperwork, making background calls, generally blending in to the walls.

“It’s one of ‘em?” he asked gruffly.

The junior agent nodded, “Joanne Crane.”

“When?”

“5 minutes ago. They transferred the recording right over.”

“Trace?”

“All we know is a cell tower Northeast of town.”

Satisfied she hadn’t screwed anything up or left out a pertinent detail, Agent Lefleur grunted at her, “Play it.”

With static and breaks, the message played, “Help me…us! We’ve been kidnapped, and, and, we’re in some kind of basement…oh man, oh man Miss, what is your name? My name is Joanne…oh jeez, he’s here. He’s here, you have to help us, he’s right...”

It ended with a sickening thud that even Agent Lefleur felt somewhere deep in his gut. But they were alive.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Message in a Basement

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted about 1 month ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Suspenseful, especially the call from one of the hostages and it’s abrupt ending in a thud.

  2. Message in a Basement

    Steve Fairweather's Buddy Icon Steve Fairweather

    Posted about 1 month ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I’m just catching up on this series now, really enjoying it so far.

    There’s something very William Faulkner about the whole thing. Very precise with a carefully selected presentation. The shifting views is reminiscent of Faulkner’s narrative stream of consciousness. Not to mention a very emotional and evocative story.

    Very well done so far.

  3. Message in a Basement

    PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)'s Buddy Icon PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)

    Posted about 1 month ago

    can’t wait for the sequel to this one.

  4. Message in a Basement

    YodaOnCrack's Buddy Icon YodaOnCrack

    Posted about 1 month ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I’m trying to comment more b/c I notice the writers I admire (like you) have the most useful comments on my ficlets. Your dialog is rarely “stilted”, and this piece is a good example of that… It’s probably due to your several years experience as a student of human nature, thought we’ve discussed that b4. You also have a knack for ending a ficlet with suspense. I intend to read more on this series.

  5. Message in a Basement

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted about 1 month ago

    o yes, very suspenseful. can feel the tension through the audio tape.

  6. Message in a Basement

    Hunting Beauty's Buddy Icon Hunting Beauty

    Posted about 1 month ago

    They’re right. It’s full of suspense. I can’t wait to read what you did with the sequal to this one. Excellent job.

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