Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

by KevMullins

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“What is this place?” Dreanna asked “It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen a city quite like it, the way it was blended into the natural surroundings.”

“Collatta” Eric replied “Its the home world of a technologically advanced species called the Traleen. Or at least it was…”

“Before it became their tomb” Dreanna interrupted.

“Yeah” he continued “They were an amazing, peaceful people on the verge of Becoming. In a 100 more years or so they would have.”

“Becoming what?”

“Like me, my species. Evolving to a godlike state.”

“And you would have allowed that?” Dreanna asked in a rather surprised tone.

“Of course. Don’t be so surprised. Doesn’t every parent want to see their children grow and develop?”

“Oh, so its ‘children’ now?” Dreanna said, her tone shifting more towards anger. “I got the impression we were nothing but cheap entertainment!”

“Its…” Eric slipped into an uncomfortable pause ”...complicated. So do you see anything unusual about the bodies?”

“Nice way to skirt the issue” she thought.

Prequels

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

  1. Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 4 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Ha! You’re punny. ;-P
    Really getting interesting here. I like the back and forth you’re creating between these two characters. And this is a very strong female protagonist who’s willing to stand up to such a powerful being. Your friend must no longer think he’s like Q, given that there was no backlash to her mouthing off.

  2. Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 4 months ago

    She’s become use to him by now and kind of takes his power for granted. She has hung out with him too long. Besides he is looking and acting more “human” at this point so it’s easy for her to forget.
    As always, I’m enjoying your input.

  3. Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

    Browncoatben's Buddy Icon Browncoatben

    Posted 4 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    I was thinking along the same tracks, Kev. I keep expecting for Dreanna to have a moment of awe, but she keeps jabbing.

    Still enjoying the series.

  4. Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 4 months ago

    Really good point Browncoatben… I’ve been feeling that I’ve let the “godness” of the Eric character slip out of focus too much. I have something planned :)

  5. Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 4 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    I dig the dialog, really snappy and short, and you cover a lot of ground in this post with the quick dialog. The main character’s also, as you said, humanizing a lot more, and it’s easier to relate to him…especially when shifting the focus of a conversation away from a woman!

  6. Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 4 months ago

    I like her way of lashing out and his redirection of the conversation. It feel natural enough to me.

  7. Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 3 months ago

    I like all this back history too. And the dialogue feels good, but while you’re doing dialogue, commas go in between the quotation marks and what’s not talk. Like: “Before it became their tomb,” Dreanna replied. You may have solved the issue later, but, obviously, I haven’t read on. I’m just a stickler like that.

  8. Möbius Strip: A Tomb With a View

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 3 months ago

    I like all this back history too. And the dialogue feels good, but while you’re doing dialogue, commas go in between the quotation marks and what’s not talk. Like: “Before it became their tomb,” Dreanna replied. You may have solved the issue later, but, obviously, I haven’t read on. I’m just a stickler like that.

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