Caught!

by Ridcully Calvert

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I woke up on a concrete slab, bound head and foot. This was not good. The last thing I remembered was having a coffee at the airport with Jen. Jen! Where was she?

“Unguh” she mumbled from behind me. So we were both caught. Great.

Whatever they had drugged me with was definitely not hospital quality. I had a hangover rather like the one I got from Egyptian snake beer that time in the Sudan.

“Why is the earth moving?” she asked. I had put it down to the drugs, but we were definitely moving. I sat up and squinted around.

We were on the deck of a cargo ship. In the distance Bruce Slokum was approaching. He headed the GlobTrak internal security team, and I had always thought that he looked a bit sinister. Today he looked wonderful. “Bruce, am I glad to see you! Get us out of these bonds, and let’s get out of here.” I said as he approached.

“Silence, traitor!” he snarled in his raspy voice.

He went back to looking sinister again.

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Caught!

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Something about the wording of that second and third paragraph feels off. The second one in particular. I get the feeling you were constrained by the character limit trying to describe him on his side and the two of them pretty much back to back. It comes off a little rough.
    Other than that, I like the addition of a new character, and the additional concept that GlobTrack sees them as possible traitors given the fact that they survived. I may have something tonight, if not, then tomorrow.

  2. Caught!

    Ridcully Calvert's Buddy Icon Ridcully Calvert

    Posted 3 months ago

    Hmmmm… I am inclined to agree John. I have rewritten the paragraphs concerned, hopefully they flow better now.

  3. Caught!

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    Ah yes, this feels better. Explains the situation more clearly, and it flows better. Good re-write.

  4. Caught!

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    The assumption that they’re traitors makes sense. I’ve never heard of Egyptian snake beer. Where can I find some?

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