Intruder

by Maleghast

Add to AIMShare

David turned the device over and over in his hands, staring at it intently as if somehow the combination of touching it and staring at it would unlock its secrets. He turned to look at the unconscious man tied to his solitary chair, willing him to come to, so that he could question this mystery visitor as to the purpose of the smooth black disc with two unmarked buttons in the centre of one side.

It was cold to the touch, but only in so much as it was not warm – it was not chilled, just cold. The light seemed to slide off it, without reflecting, and it was that particular shade of black that really is just a lack of colour.

The man in the chair, from whom David had liberated the device, groaned and tried to raise his hand to his face, struggling against the rope restraining it. David slid the disc back into the pocket of his gilet and stepped across the room to be in his prisoner’s line of sight as he falteringly opened his eyes.

“So, what exactly were you doing, climbing in through my bathroom window?”

Prequels

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Intruder

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 6 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Lots of potential here in a very carefully described scene. I like that it could be spy thriller or sci-fi, just too early to tell.

  2. Intruder

    Krulltar's Buddy Icon Krulltar

    Posted 6 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I’m not sure if the average person wears a gilet around the house, unless they’re Chuck Noris, but then it would be made of denim.

    David also has the wicked mad skills of Jason Bourne with a hint of Lara Croft, which clearly makes him cool in my book. I’m in anxious anticipation of him punching the intruder in the throat while coldly saying “Don’t lie to me”

  3. Intruder

    JMSquire's Buddy Icon JMSquire

    Posted 6 months ago

    I had to look up what a ‘gilet’ was, which is awesome because that took me on a tangent of learning about clothing for almost an hour.
    Great scene, superb descriptions.

    “that particular shade of black that really is just a lack of colour.”

    That’s my favourite shade of black.

  4. Intruder

    SKermitgorf's Buddy Icon SKermitgorf

    Posted 6 months ago

    I really want to know what he was doing crawling in the bathroom window too? makes me want to know more. You’re an amazingly gifted writer, gripping scene, such descriptions!
    if you’re not a professional author, you should be.

  5. Intruder

    Maleghast's Buddy Icon Maleghast

    Posted 6 months ago

    Hey there JMSquire… Wow, that is cool – I love the idea that something I ‘put out there’ started someone off on a whole new ‘net journey; thanks for letting me know. And yeah, that is the best kind of black – I’m stoked that you agree :-)

  6. Intruder

    Maleghast's Buddy Icon Maleghast

    Posted 6 months ago

    Heya Kermitgorf… WOW ! That is an amazing thing you said to me there. I really cannot tell you how amazing that made me feel when I read it. Thank you so much – I just hope I can continue to live up to such high praise… If I get some time tomorrow I will be looking through your stuff (have added you as a contact), but once I’ve answered today’s comments I must go to bed; it’s nearly 2 a.m. here and I need to be up in 4.5 hours to get to my day job.

Want to comment on this ficlet? You need to sign in!