Ficlets

Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues

What Dreanna saw next she could barely comprehend, more or less accept. “He is bringing it… back from the dead!“

And the sound, oh God the sound! It was like breaking bones combined with the stretch of too old rubber bands.

She stared, transfixed, as the body writhed and clawed at the ground, gasping for air. It began to inflate, the flesh turning from mummified black to pale white then pink.

He appeared to be a young man in his early 20’s, his face contorted into a look of both utter terror and agony. His cries filled the air and sent a cold shiver up her spine. They were more like the screams of a wounded animal, held live over an open flame, then the cries of a sentient, thinking being.

Before she realized, she was running wildly, tears filling her eyes. She could no longer fight it, she had to get away. Run away, be anywhere other than here.

She glanced back over her shoulder to see Eric kneeling over the young man, turning around just in time to run, head long, into a pole.

BAM ! Lights out…

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Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫
Posted 4 months ago

Love the action in this one; great description of the ‘resurrection’!
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
John Perkins
Posted 4 months ago

Ha ha. I’m always a sucker for people knocking themselves out running into things.
You’re going to hate me for this but, it should be “other than here” in that third to last paragraph.
Also, I think you can get more creative with the sound in the second paragraph. Maybe something like “The process bore a horrific moan, like the crushing of a thousand stale potato chips behind the squeal of a rubber band stretched beyond its limits.” Currently it stands only because the rest of the writing is superb.
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
John Perkins
Posted 4 months ago

Err, stands out. Sorry.
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
KevMullins
Posted 4 months ago

@ALRO613 thanks for taking the time to give me feedback.
@John… smart arse ;) Hey I had to have a little fun with the descriptions. Point well taken, it does lean a bit toward “purple prose”
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
John Perkins
Posted 4 months ago

@Kev, I think you misunderstood me. I really liked all of the descriptions, except for “It was like breaking bones combined…” Something about that felt more mundane than the rest of it. I love interesting similes and metaphors to bring a story to life. I just think you settled for this description given that the other ones in here are very, very good. Does that make sense?
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
KevMullins
Posted 4 months ago

I do and agree… it was the weakest point in this story.
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
kaellinn18
Posted 4 months ago

I really enjoyed your imagery in this one. I think this one, as John said, stands out for sure in terms of the quality. I have just one thing to point out: this is the second time you’ve used the phrase ”...she could barely comprehend, more or less accept…” and what I think you’re trying to say is ”...she could barely comprehend, much less accept…” If you do actually mean the former, then ignore this. I’m just not familiar with that particular turn of phrase.
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
KevMullins
Posted 4 months ago

Probably a “local” phrase… I’ve been in the South too long :) As usual, your comments are most appreciated kaellinn.
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
JLaughter
Posted 4 months ago

Again with the great title. Resurrection Blues, I like it! Solid addition.
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
Mask By The Moon
Posted 4 months ago

You made the same mistake twice. It should be:

They were more like the screams of a wounded animal, held live over an open flame, than the cries of a sentient, thinking being.
Möbius Strip: The Resurrection Blues
thebetweenspace
Posted 4 months ago

Good pickup MBTM , I read past that the first time through. That was a terrifying and well described resurrection scene. Very vivid and another great title, by the way.