Möbius Strip: Opposite of Adam

by KevMullins

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“Oh God, I’m dying!” Ker screamed, struggling to get to his feet. He lashed out wildly, eyes blind with tears, half-crazed with fear.

“Shhhh, Just a memory.” Eric said. His words, again like warm velvet, as a strange calm fell over the young man.

He was still on hands and knees, breathing heavy, heart pounding in his ears. “I-I-I died?” he finally managed to get out.

“Yes.”

“Alive?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Me.”

“You, you brought me back?” Ker said as he slowly stood. “Are you a God?”

“Yes on both counts.”

Ker pushed the long black hair from his face and slowly looked around the plaza, the realization of the events fell upon him.

“Oh God! They’re dead. All Dead! Everywhere?”

“Yes. Everywhere, you are the last.”

Profound loss filled his soul. All gone, everyone and everything he’d ever known. Hot tears flowed down his cheeks as he fell to his knees.

“Why?” he cried out.

“I don’t know, it’s why I’m here.”

“Bring them back!”

“No.”

“Please!”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“All things end, I can’t change that.”

Prequels

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Sequels

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Möbius Strip: Opposite of Adam

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 6 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I liked Eric’s response to how. Very matter of fact with a hint of pompousness. Kind of a telling last line, although I do personally disagree with it.
    The only thing I see that could be cleaned up in this would be the sentence that begins, “Ker pushed the long black hair from his face and took a long look around the plaza.” You use the word “long” in quick succession here. Maybe choose another word for either of those spots? Other than that, great job as usual.

  2. Möbius Strip: Opposite of Adam

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 6 months ago

    @John, I totally agree with you on the double “long”s. It bothered me even before I made this post BUT I couldn’t find anything that fit for me so I left it…
    If I can find a new word and still get the “feel” I’m after I’ll change it.
    As always, thanks for the input and great job editing.

  3. Möbius Strip: Opposite of Adam

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 6 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I don’t think it really hurts your story or the flow at all, just something to keep in mind next time. I do the exact same thing. A lot of my comments are also working as reminders to me on how to make myself better. The only way to become a better writer is to become a more active reader, looking for things that work and those that don’t. Thanks for not getting irritated with my constant comments.

  4. Möbius Strip: Opposite of Adam

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 6 months ago

    If I were Ker, I would be wondering just when my second death was coming.

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