Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

by JMSquire

The screams tasted like what it thought lemon drops must taste like, deliciously sweet.

-

Detective Albrecht looked through the taped off doorway at the crime scene that stretched from one end of the $40 a night hotel room to the other. Pieces of evidence were scattered over the bed that had seen too many illicit couples, all the way to the television that was too old and outdated to be of any use.

-

It watched them intently from the shadows; human interactions were the most compelling of all the other creatures. The way they played off each other, sold themselves, gave in to the most primal of urges, but still acted like they were above everything else God had created.

-

“Honey, I’m sorry!” Dale held the cell phone between his ear and his shoulder, his left hand busy rotating the steering wheel and his right hand attempting to open a small baggy filled with a soft, white, powder. The car moved at a brisk pace pass the neon glow of sex shops and strip clubs, a few miles under the limit.

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Wow, lots going on and all out of order, confusing and tantalizing.

  2. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Ha ha, 40$. Silly Canadians. =P
    This is incredibly disjointed and confusing. Which is perfect given the challenge. I’m interested to see how you bring all this together.

  3. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 3 months ago

    Is that a Canadian thing? I was wondering about it…that’s what cost me the gist of the story here. I kept thinking ”$40, not 40$!” Crazy Kanuks :)

  4. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    Browncoatben's Buddy Icon Browncoatben

    Posted 3 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    So…the cards are shuffled here.

    Nice descriptions.

  5. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Nice installment, and that first line is awesome.
    LoA

  6. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    JMSquire's Buddy Icon JMSquire

    Posted 3 months ago

    Switched the $ sign around.

  7. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Congrats! You won an award in this challenge!
    http://ficlets.com/stories/34540

  8. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I forgot to tell you that when you go to the above link, go to the sequel, “part 2,” in case you don’t see your name on that page (I had to break up the eight awards into two ficlets).

  9. Simple Case [Out of Order Challenge]

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 2 months ago

    Amazing opening line, and very intriguing bits of the creature. The rest of it displays a tired and desperate mood.

Want to comment on this ficlet? You need to sign in!