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Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds

by Browncoatben

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I pulled to a stop in front of the Office building, one hundred yards from the bank.

Niles was in the passenger seat, checking his gun. He grabbed the trash bags from the bench seat and turned to face June, sitting quietly in the back.

“Ready, babe?” Niles said.

June looked scared behind her sunglasses. Nervous. “It isn’t too late, Niles.”

“Come on, babe.” Niles replied. “We’ve been through it. It’s a good plan Jim’s got. We’ll be fine. It’s 90 seconds…that’s all.”

I sat quietly as they walked away from the car, holding hands like they were going to a movie. June was holding onto her wig like the breeze was going to blow it off.

They stopped at the entrance and kissed. A pause. Then they were inside.

I tapped the buttons on the door, rolling the windows down and dropped the car into gear.

My stopwatch beeped. That’s one minute. I crept the car into the no-parking zone in front of the bank, just in time to hear a pop from inside.

A gunshot.

Prequels

Out-of-Order Challenge - A Bargain at Twice the Price
by Browncoatben

Write a prequel

Sequels

Out-of-Order Challenge - Cadillac Decisions
by Browncoatben

Write a sequel

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Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds
KevMullins
Posted 3 months ago

Wow. Seriously, you continue to blow me away with this challenge.
One question though, in the sentence I creeped the car into wouldn’t crept work better? I just kind of read funny to me. BTW , Hope you don’t mind the input.
Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

Agree with Kev, another great entry. I really thought this would be a tough challenge, but you’re completely nailing with aplomb.
Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds
Ana Cristina
Posted 2 months ago

Fantastic writing here. Niles and June are quite sympathetic characters, very Bonnie and Clyde.

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The crowd was hard to navigate. I had slung the heavy Jansport over my left shoulder and had the duffel in my right hand. It …

A sequel to Out-of-Order Challenge - A Bargain at Twice the Price

About the author

Browncoatben

Oklahoma City

I find myself in my early 30’s, pulling a respectable income from a respectable job, living in a respectable house in a respectable neighborhood. I have a beautiful wife who gave me a beautiful son.

As a teenager, I wrote compulsively. I lived to create lines of poetry. Over the last 10 years, I’ve written a few poems and story snippets, but nothing much.

But I haven’t created anything in ten years. I’m here to begin again.

Ficlet Strains I’ve been working on:

.357 (http://ficlets.com/stories/36090) is a noir-type story about a homicide detective. The story alternates between the present, where the lead character, Cooper, is suicidal and distraught about something he did “that night” and the past, which tells the story about “that night.”

The Pillar(http://ficlets.com/stories/29796) is a look a space-faring human race who haven’t found any aliens and fallen to complacency, then are confronted with a new enemy.

Out-of-Order Challenge
(http://ficlets.com/stories/31553) is a response to a posted challenge to write a Pulp-Fiction style story, where the events are told…you guessed it…out of order. I’ve wrapped this one up.

You must check this out. The best story going on Ficlets is by JLaughter. It’s called Bagman, starting with http://ficlets.com/stories/30471. If you like the Neuromancer, Johny Nmonic, Cyberpunk world, then this is two slices of awesome wrapped in bacon.

I’m very flattered by any comments, prequels, or sequels to my writing. So, please, tell me what you think.

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Published on May 30, 2008.

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Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds

by Browncoatben

Prequels

Out-of-Order Challenge - A Bargain at Twice the Price

Sequels

Out-of-Order Challenge - Cadillac Decisions

Comments

Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds

Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds

Out-of-Order Challenge - 90 Seconds

Inspired by

About the author

Browncoatben