Ficlets

Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing

June walked back into the living room where the guys were watching the Packers game. The Pack was winning. She handed a fresh beer to Niles and plopped down into her favorite spot on the couch.

Her mind wasn’t on the game. Jim and Niles sat there, obliviously cheering as the players moved around the field. Play after play. All she could think about was the piece of paper in her nightstand drawer.

Niles hadn’t seen it yet. The foreclosure notice had come in the mail yesterday. Jim’s signature was at the bottom.

How could he show his face knowing its here?

A commercial came on and Jim’s demeanor suddenly changed. “Guys,” he said, “I want to run something by you.”

Niles took a witless swig from his beer. “Whazzup, Jim?”

“I know you guys are in a rough patch right now.” Jim continued. “What say we rob my bank?”

Niles laughed, but June knew Jim was serious.

“I’ve been testing security. It’s very doable. But I need help.”

June stammered three words. “We’ll do it.”

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Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

I think it should be “Pack were winning.” Also, is there a continuity error having June be the one who pipes up saying ok?

Other than that, excellent little series. Definitely a spectacular entry into the challenge. It was an exciting read. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing
JLaughter
Posted 3 months ago

Very cool stuff, Ben. Very well put together, very Out of Order, all in all an excellent read!
Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing
Browncoatben
Posted 3 months ago

@John – The continuity shift was intentional. I wanted June’s financial desparation to push them toward the robbery and have misgivings later.

@JLaughter – Thanks…it was a lot of fun and a departure for me.
Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

Ah, ok. That makes sense.
Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing
KevMullins
Posted 2 months ago

Ah, excellent “beginning” to the story arc, so by the title, I’m assuming this is also the “ending”?
Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing
Browncoatben
Posted 2 months ago

@Kev – Yessir…this is it. Finito.
Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing
John Perkins
Posted 2 months ago

Kind of a bummer that it’s over, but definitely a superb entry into this competition. I’ve said it before, but it bares (bears?) repeating, you really manhandled this challenge. I figured anyone could put something up, but making it good would be a challenge. You made it look easy, and kept us all very entertained the whole time.
Out-of-Order Challenge - The Beg-end-ing
Stovohobo
Posted 2 months ago

Wow. Perfect ending. Beginning. Beg-end-ing, like you said. The last words make me shiver.