On Scene (Out-of-Order Challenge)

by John Perkins

“Finished. You owe me twenty bucks.” Jose smiles, face drenched in Whopper.

“Yeah. Now clean up you idiot.”

We arrive on scene to a huge mess. Cars piled every which way. Glass and bodies flung randomly about the highway. A black and white is parked in front of the pile of devastation. I hear sirens coming, but for now it’s just us and the two cops.

“Hey!” I yell to one of the cops who looks confused. Must be a rookie, I think to myself. “Did you guys take status on any of the victims yet?”

Blank stare.

“Ok he,” pointing back at Jose, “and I are going to assess the injuries. When fire gets here, direct them to us.” I snap my fingers. “Got it?”

A scream penetrates the air. I turn to see a woman, covered in blood is screaming and reaching out her car door at something off to the side of the wreckage. It’s a small girl standing in the safety lane. A fire truck is bearing down on her. Fast.

My legs pumping as hard as they can, I dive to push the little girl out of the way before I’m engulfed in darkness.

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. On Scene (Out-of-Order Challenge)

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 5 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Wow, great description of the scene

  2. On Scene (Out-of-Order Challenge)

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 5 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Awesome ending to this one, especially the phrase “engulfed in darkness.” A few misplaced and missing commas, but some really fantastic writing here.

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