Ficlets

Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)

Dear Journal,

Today, I finally did it. And it was marvelously exhilarating.

Draped in my brown overcoat, I exited my flat and journeyed down to Whitechapel. I stopped at the tavern on Hanbury Street for a pint, to build the courage. Then continued my search.

Finally, I spotted a young woman, alone, dancing in the rain. Her umbrella bounced high above her head as she strolled the shop-strewn street, pausing occasionally to peer through the darkened store windows. They were all closed for the evening, leaving the streets vacant save for the young woman and I. Perfect.

As she frolicked towards me, I steadied my nerves. Calm down Jack, you’ll scare her off. She didn’t notice me until we were only a meter apart, and that’s when I sprung. Coat open, I fully exposed my frank and beans to her horrified screams. Then quickly ran through a back alley, back to my flat as fast as I could.

On page four of this morning’s paper, I cut out the very first of many articles. They even gave me a name: Jack the Stripper.

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
Ana Cristina
Posted 2 months ago

This could almost double as an entry to your unexpected twist challenge!
I like the numerous word and place references that let the reader know this is taking place in England.
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
Mask By The Moon
Posted 2 months ago

xD.

That’s all I have to say about that.
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
John Perkins
Posted 2 months ago

@Ana, I do love a good twist. I don’t have the lingo down like Russell Ruffino, but I tried to make it authentic.
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
Eckhouse
Posted 2 months ago

What a cheeky fellow!
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
JMSquire
Posted 2 months ago

Great story, amazing ending. You took it somewhere hilarious and that’s always awesome. High five!
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
John Perkins
Posted 2 months ago

Holy cow, I think something is broken with the Ficlets rating system:
This story has been read 12 times, and has been rated 13 times.
Thanks for all the kind words all. And whoever voted twice, I owe you a cookie. I hope you like oatmeal raisin.
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
BernerOberland
Posted 2 months ago

Very funny..I was thinking jack the ripper horror and ya sprung the comedy.. haha.
very british story. bobs your uncle nudge nudge wink wink..
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
Six Feet Under The Stars
Posted 2 months ago

lol. definitely one of the best written out of the ones entered, and definitely the funniest. love it! thanks for entering!
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
thebetweenspace
Posted 2 months ago

That was masterful, John Perkins. I didn’t see the twist coming at all and laughed out loud thinking about Jack the Stripper exposing his frank and beans.
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
THX 0477
Posted 2 months ago

Seriously, I thought she was just going to kill him. Most hilarious entry I’ve read so far. He was still a bit disturbed, but at least there was no blood spilled.
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
Melia
Posted 2 months ago

wipes tears from her eyes oh my goodness that was hilarious. Wonderful job!
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)
Posted 2 months ago

Laughed out loud at the “frank and beans” haven’t heard that expression in ages.
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
Jenunique
Posted 2 months ago

Wonderfully hilarious! Definitely twisted history. ;D
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
.:band baby:.
Posted 2 months ago

haha, wow. Didn’t see that coming at all! Nice job.
LoA
Nobody Gets Hurt (Twisted History Challenge)
John Perkins
Posted 2 months ago

@THX, I originally had him doing it as the punishment for losing a bet, but ran out of space. In that case he would not have been as disturbed.