REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

by KevMullins

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Nick never really knew what it was that Detective Stahl had done to the car, aside from being his normal dick self, but it truly hated him. Actually, the feeling was mutual.

Stahl was standing at the back of his Interceptor taking something out the trunk when the car spotted him. Instantly, his image appeared on the main screen outlined in red, a reticle centered on his body as the word STAHL floated above it.

“Got him,” it said as it accelerated. The car made a hard left, throwing itself into a spin, pulled a 360 and came to a screeching halt just inches from Stahl.

He jumped back, made a one finger salute, and screamed, “Marshall you asshole!”

“What’s a matter Stahl, you need some clean panties?” Nick replied as he got out of the car.

“This goddamn, piece of shit car’s been hanging with you too long… it needs to be put down like a rabid dog.”

“Whatever,” Nick said walking away.

He could still hear Stahl and the car trading insults that would make a sailor cry as he turned the corner.

Prequels

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Clever title! I’m going to have to go back and read the prequels, because I’m not getting the story and it sounds interesting.

  2. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 3 months ago

    @Ana, Thanks I really had to work to get that title. :)
    Also it is possible that I’ve not done a very good job of carrying the story forward, esp. if you’re getting lost. I need to reread them myself and make sure everything flows correctly.

  3. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Ha, there’s something in the word-style of this ficlet that just screams “awesome” to me. Love the car’s attitude, and this really clears of my “they” beef with the last one.
    Few edits… ”...car made a hard left, throwing itself into a spin…”
    Not sure if “goddamn, piece of shit” requires a comma, check with John on that one.

    Love “one finger salute” and the car and Stahl trading insults. Awesome piece. You get five stars, sir.

  4. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 3 months ago

    @JLaughter – Great edits as usual. I threw the comma after the goddamn for cadence. Imagine someone pissed off saying that phrase in a rhythm.
    Glad you enjoyed this one, it was fun to write. Actually the last piece was nothing but “filler” to set up for this one.

  5. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Definitely gave the car some personality in this one. The pacing wasn’t quite as good as the last few, but it was still a very fun read.

  6. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I’m trying to re-read it to find out exactly where I felt the pacing was off, and I think it’s the third paragraph. I understand what you’re shooting for here, but I don’t think it came off exactly as you intended, but I’m not sure why. Could just be me. It is really close to quittin’ time and the brain starts to shut off around now. =P
    The rest of it is great though. Really good bits of humor, with some fantastic dialog.

  7. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I kinda see what John’s going at, there. The rest of this reads real smooth, but in the third paragraph, the comma in ”...his body, the word…” is kind of like a hiccup in the story. Maybe it would read better as “his body and the…” or maybe even a bit of a tense-change, ”...body, the word STAHL floating...”

    Though the latter might be bending some grammatical rules, I use that to keep a segment running smoothly.

  8. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)'s Buddy Icon PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Yay, finally a car with a real personality!

  9. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 3 months ago

    @John + Joh – I reconstructed the 2nd and 3rd paragraph to more match what I had originally written… I think it flows much better now.
    I too was tired when I wrote this last night.
    As always, thanks guys! You’re forcing me to become a better writer.

  10. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    It definitely reads better now. Good edits. Now all you need is “of” in here: “something out the trunk.”

  11. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I loved the car’s attitude toward Stahl. Yes, awesome if the best word to describe this ficlet.

  12. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 3 months ago

    Thanks thebetweenspace, glad you enjoyed it… now let’s see if I can keep this up. :)

  13. REACTr: Put'n the "Dick" in "Detective"

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Definitely reads a lot better. Keep up the great work, Kev!

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