Walked On

by Gloria Bold

I opened my eyes to blinding white. White sheets, walls, light. White jacket standing at the end of the bed looking at me inquisitively.

A bewildered glance revealed my sisters in the corner with bags under their eyes and relief in their smiles.

I was no longer convulsing, but my eyes would not stop blinking and I still had a stutter.

The white jacket probed with questions bordering on indecent. How did I feel? “Walked on” I replied. Glancing down to wrist with a IV in my hand and bracelets with my name on them. One in a sporty fluorescent orange color. I must of gotten the all inclusive I say. No one is sure if they are supposed to laugh.

The white jacket is still talking and I answer, I think. I don’t know, there seems to be someone missing. White jacket speaks again saying his name.

The man that was in the ER with you last night has been shot.

Suspicious eyes flutter.

I wonder what kind of cruel tests these neurologists (for that’s what his name badge claims him to be) have developed these days.

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Walked On

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I actually like you managed to write around the patient’s confusion, and the reaction at the end to his announcement is great. Nicely done.

  2. Walked On

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    The line “Staring with malice at him” sounds a little clunky. I would change the syntax to make the sentence flow better with the rest.
    I agree with THX , good job making the reader understand the patient’s confusion and general sense of malaise.

  3. Walked On

    Gloria Bold's Buddy Icon Gloria Bold

    Posted 3 months ago

    I concur Ana, that’s what I get for writing this quick before work. ;) Hopefully the re-write flows better.

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