REACTr: The Broken Maiden

by KevMullins

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As Nick turned the corner, he could see the Miss Motoko looming high above him. Her broken mass was listing hard to port and would probably have capsized had she not come to rest against the pier.

Drones buzzed around the gaping hole that used to be her aft cargo hold like gnats. Their bright beams of light searching the half dissolved metal for any traces of the nanotech that had pulled the ship apart, atom by atom.

Shipping containers littered the pier below the void. Some partially melted away, others simply broken open by the impact. Every imaginable item was scattered in the wreckage, from cyborg upgrades to new Apple ThinkMates.

A tech came bouncing out of a broken reefer on Nick’s approach.

“Howdy bossman, ugly huh?” he asked.

“Yep,” Nick replied, “Military grade?”

He already knew the answer. No doubt in his mind, he’d been up close and personal with it before, had the scars to prove it. Real military grade, not that cheap black market shit.

Definitely it was bad news.

Prequels

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 2 months ago

    FYI a reefer is a temperature controlled shipping container. Usually they are used to ship produce or any other temperature sensitive goods.
    See I occasionally do my research ;)

  2. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    Stovohobo's Buddy Icon Stovohobo

    Posted 2 months ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    This sounds cool – the title was what got me, and now I’ll have to go to the beginning of the series.

  3. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Well described, although there’s a couple typos. In the first paragraph, I think it should say had she come to rest against the pier. In the second paragraph, a warm summer eve.

  4. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Another cool entry, but some critique! You know you love it, Kev.
    Think betweenspace meant ”...had she not come to rest...” There, she’d just makes it read as “had she had.”
    On the summer part, it’d probably work better as “a warm summer’s eve,” but I think you could remove the whole summer reference entirely and the sentence would work better.
    And finally, “Yep,” Nick replied. “Military grade?”
    Nobody likes someone who replies with a question!

  5. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Another cool entry, but some critique! You know you love it, Kev.
    Think betweenspace meant ”...had she not come to rest...” There, she’d just makes it read as “had she had.”
    On the summer part, it’d probably work better as “a warm summer’s eve,” but I think you could remove the whole summer reference entirely and the sentence would work better.
    And finally, “Yep,” Nick replied. “Military grade?”
    Nobody likes someone who replies with a question!

  6. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 2 months ago

    No worries Jon… as always I appreciate the constructive criticism, and totally agree. It was another situation where I’d started off the sentence one way, then changed it, yet not completed the modification… and of course I read it correctly each time I looked at it, LOL !

  7. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Heh, I know how that is. You get so focused on what you’re trying to write that you don’t see what you’re writing, no matter how closely you read it.
    Loving this series, so far, so don’t stop!

  8. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Not sure how I missed this earlier, but another awesome entry. It’s kind of amazing to me how much you’ve grown as a writer in such a short time. This was very well done.
    The only critique I have is incredibly minor. I’m thinking this:
    “Drones buzzed around the gaping hole that used to be her aft cargo hold like gnats,”
    might read better as:
    “Drones buzzed like gnats around the gaping hole that used to be her aft cargo hold.”
    The way it is now, I kinda get lost before you reveal the “like gnats” part.

  9. REACTr: The Broken Maiden

    PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)'s Buddy Icon PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    military grade nono. now it gets interesting!

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