Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

by Browncoatben

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    Browncoatben's Buddy Icon Browncoatben

    Posted 3 months ago

    Before anybody gets concerned…I like my job and this not autobiographical yearning…just a dark idea I had inspired by the Animatrix.

  2. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    JLaughter's Buddy Icon JLaughter

    Posted 3 months ago

    I hate to say I saw it coming, but I did. Either way, the wording is fantastic, very surreal and free-spirited.
    Love this: ”...sent [the phone] the way of my tie without even looking at who it was. Who gives a damn anyway?”
    I want to enter this challenge, but I’ve been running dry on ideas. Bagman is taking all my brainpower!

  3. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I did NOT see it coming. I was rooting for the guy, thinking yeah, man, hit the beach. Take a break. Feeling jealous, until the end. Wow…

  4. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    Mighty-Joe Young's Buddy Icon Mighty-Joe Young

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    don’t let them talk you out of it ben. Death comes to us all but only some men truly fly out of tall buildings.

  5. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I’ve been watching a lot of superhero cartoons lately, so all along I was picturing a guy just learning how to fly cruising along beside a passenger jet. Decent twist to it, I thought and very well written.

  6. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)'s Buddy Icon PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    That was some twist. The story has a cool carefree feel until the end.

  7. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 3 months ago

    I bounced from flying, to cruising in a convertible, to falling, not really sure until the end. So gruesome!

  8. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    JMSquire's Buddy Icon JMSquire

    Posted 3 months ago

    Great twist, really incredible use of wording too. The last line is a killer, “From the roof, baby!” , almost made me snicker despite the graveness of the suicide.

  9. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    John Perkins' Buddy Icon John Perkins

    Posted 3 months ago

    I kind of guessed, but not until right before the big reveal, but it was still a very well done twist. And the ending was fantastic. Like JM, I loved the last line.
    Thanks for entering.

  10. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    KevMullins' Buddy Icon KevMullins

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I have to agree with JLaughter, even though I saw the ending coming… extremely well written and paced. A great read.

  11. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    Jenunique's Buddy Icon Jenunique

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I was with Ana on this one. I thought he was driving along in a convertible. Could just imagine the goofy grin guys get when the top is down… ;D Then WHAM ! (Literally.) Great, magnificent, job!

  12. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫'s Buddy Icon ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫

    Posted 3 months ago

    ya.. the lead up to the final smack was awesome.

  13. Everybody's Envy (Unexpected Twist Challenge)

    thebetweenspace's Buddy Icon thebetweenspace

    Posted 3 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I also thought he was driving with the top down… Great twist!

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