Ficlets

Shoot Away

The bullet ripped through the flesh of her abdomen. The assassin watched her slump to the ground, slowly. The flash of recognition in her eyes was disarming. He snapped back, feeling no remorse. He rarely took multiple clients in the same household, but the money was right.

He stooped down to watch the life escape from her eyes. She coughed up blood, her throat gurgling as she asked, “What did my husband pay you to stab me in the back?”

“On the contrary,” the assassin explained. “He hired me first. That’s why I was so eager to accept your offer. What kind of man places a hit on a wife as virtuous as you?”

“Will you do me one favor you insufferable prick?“

“Anything, sugartits.”

“Deliver a message for me?”

“Shoot away,” the assassin said, fighting a grin.

“Will you say hello to my husband?”

Crazy dame, he thought. How do you greet a dead man?

Her statement registered in a thunderclap. Moments before the bullet shattered his skull, the assassin thought, Who’s slick enough to get a bead on me?

Comments

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Shoot Away
penguincaptain18
Posted 3 months ago

Thats a really cool twisted twist. The assassin getting assassinated. Nice.
Shoot Away
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

Cool twist. It definitely adds something to the story. Who shot him? Did she know someone was going to shoot him?
One note I have though, is when this comes up, “her words registered like a thunderclap,” he was the last one to speak. I’m thinking you may have had to remove a piece of dialog to fit? If you’ve got room, maybe give her a retort before this final paragraph?
Thank you very much for entering.
Shoot Away
thebetweenspace
Posted 3 months ago

You called it John. I didn’t quite have enough space to get everything exactly right. I modified it a bit, hoping to make the ending make a little more sense.
Shoot Away
Mighty-Joe Young
Posted 3 months ago

hey i sequeled it just for fun but i killed all the characters in my sequel so to have another sequel it would have to be about the assasin’s contact lense or something, well that gives me an idea. anyhow normally i would have just compliment but you asked for it.
Shoot Away
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

Ah, ok. Now I see it was the husband. In the earlier version this was not clear. Much clearer now, and makes for a more interesting ficlet. Though not as open to a sequel.
Shoot Away
Jenunique
Posted 3 months ago

Sort of makes me think of Mr. and Mrs. Smith- but we just watched that movie again for the umpteenth time. ;D Loved the story and twist. Wonderful job, as always.
Shoot Away
THX 0477
Posted 3 months ago

Fun back and forth, and apparently I wasn’t the only one to be a little confused as to what really happened. I think that was the real challenge of this challenge, to set up a scenario and story to a sufficient extent and then have the pay-off/twist…all in an itty-bitty space.
Shoot Away
Ana Cristina
Posted 3 months ago

Great twist at the end! And this line gave me chills: The flash of recognition in her eyes was disarming.
Shoot Away
RainDance
Posted 3 months ago

Whoa, very smooth last words.
Shoot Away
ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫
Posted 3 months ago

Ha!! That’s awesome!
Nothing like a little revenge!
I love this imagery:
Her statement registered in a thunderclap. Moments before the bullet shattered his skull

Great stuff.
Shoot Away
invisibility_disability
Posted 3 months ago

nice. very, very nice.