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Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)

by Browncoatben

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The lights were down low. Monitors glowed quietly in the corner, next to Dori’s bed, illuminating the room slightly.

She was out cold, snoring. She deserves it though. Hard work, that was. I stood from my chair and walked across the room to stand by the plexiglass crib.

He was laying on his back, arms stretched out above his head. Legs cocked at the knees. Feet touching.

So tiny.

I reached in and touched his hand. Fingers clasped around my finger, little muscles tightening. I smiled as his nose wrinkled a little.

He yawned.

So tiny.

I looked back at Dori. She was still sleeping. Peaceful and beautiful. A mommy. I think I’m going to miss her tummy.

Reaching into the crib, I put my left hand around Daniel’s head and my right under his body. I hoisted him up with no effort.

So tiny.

Holding him close to my chest, I returned to my chair. He never stirred. I stared at Daniel’s face, listened to the silence, and promised myself to always remember this moment.

Prequels

Escape Challenge
by Mask By The Moon

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
THX 0477
Posted 3 months ago

Ah, right for the heart-strings on this one. Took me a sec to get oriented, but a very touching escape. Hooray for babies!
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
KevMullins
Posted 3 months ago

I get the feeling this piece was at least a touch, autobiographical… still nicely done.
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
Mighty-Joe Young
Posted 3 months ago

sweeettttt awwwwwwww
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
Apostrophe
Posted 3 months ago

wow.. beautifully written.. I know exactly what you mean.. when you savor a moment and you wish you could remember it always. I can almost see this story unfold..
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
Ana Cristina
Posted 3 months ago

The writing here is topnotch, but the sentence, “Hard work, that was,” reads a little Yoda for me. Change up the syntax and it will fit better with the rest of your piece.
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

I was totally expecting him to commit suicide or reach down and kill the kid or something. I’ve been reading too many depressing ficlets recently I guess. Nice change of pace, and well presented moment.
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
KevMullins
Posted 3 months ago

Actually John… I hate to admit this but… yeah I was really expecting a dark ending too.
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
Amaster
Posted 3 months ago

This was a great story. I know that holding a sleeping baby can truly make for the greatest escape ever.
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
thebetweenspace
Posted 3 months ago

Very beautiful and sentimental look into a father’s first night as a father. Glad there wasn’t a dark ending to this one.
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
Browncoatben
Posted 3 months ago

Kinda scary on the dark ending expectation, boys! Maybe I shouldn’t have entered the twist challenge! hehehe.

I just wanted to write about the night my son was born. Always been a very special memory.
Daddy's First Night (Escape Challenge)
KevMullins
Posted 3 months ago

Ben, I think the dark ending mental suggestion came from the (Escape Challenge) from the title, combined with the “darkness” of the setting… and probably the after affect of reading one too many ficlets ;)

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Inspired by

To celebrate my 275th Ficlet, I want to pose a challenge. I want you to create the perfect escape. Make me see it. Make me wa…

A sequel to Escape Challenge

About the author

Browncoatben

Oklahoma City

I find myself in my early 30’s, pulling a respectable income from a respectable job, living in a respectable house in a respectable neighborhood. I have a beautiful wife who gave me a beautiful son.

As a teenager, I wrote compulsively. I lived to create lines of poetry. Over the last 10 years, I’ve written a few poems and story snippets, but nothing much.

But I haven’t created anything in ten years. I’m here to begin again.

Ficlet Strains I’ve been working on:

.357 (http://ficlets.com/stories/36090) is a noir-type story about a homicide detective. The story alternates between the present, where the lead character, Cooper, is suicidal and distraught about something he did “that night” and the past, which tells the story about “that night.”

The Pillar(http://ficlets.com/stories/29796) is a look a space-faring human race who haven’t found any aliens and fallen to complacency, then are confronted with a new enemy.

Out-of-Order Challenge
(http://ficlets.com/stories/31553) is a response to a posted challenge to write a Pulp-Fiction style story, where the events are told…you guessed it…out of order. I’ve wrapped this one up.

You must check this out. The best story going on Ficlets is by JLaughter. It’s called Bagman, starting with http://ficlets.com/stories/30471. If you like the Neuromancer, Johny Nmonic, Cyberpunk world, then this is two slices of awesome wrapped in bacon.

I’m very flattered by any comments, prequels, or sequels to my writing. So, please, tell me what you think.

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Published on June 24, 2008.

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