Ficlets

What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]

Everything was perfect. The candles were lit, the table set. Roses lined a petal-pink trail from the door to the dining room.

I heard her car pull up and I ran to press play on the stereo. Violins began to fill the room like so many brightly feathered birds. I straightened my tie, patted my pocket to make sure the small velvet box was still there.

Then she opened the door and walked in. She blinked at the dim candle-light. “What’s going on, Eric?” A half-smile on her face as she closed the door and noticed the petals.

“I thought you deserved a nice dinner for a change. You work so hard..” My voice trailed off, unsure.

“Oh wow,” she breathed, as she suddenly noticed the candle-lit dinner waiting for her.

She drifted towards me and laced her arms around my neck. “You didn’t have to do this, Steve.”

It was like a glass of ice-cold water had been dropped over my head. I heard her intake of breath. It sounded like it was coming from a million miles away. I pulled back slowly.

“What did you just say?”

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
XxjerseyxgirlxX
Posted 3 months ago

Was he surprised that she said you didn’t have to do this
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
Ana Cristina
Posted 3 months ago

Read it again and pay close attention to the names.
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
Apostrophe
Posted 3 months ago

omg thats a burn!! Poor guy. Love how you set up the story. The imagery is perfect. I like the details you gave like the rose petals and the music.. the brightly feathered birds was a nice touch. Bravo!!
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫
Posted 3 months ago

that’s AWESOME ….. so funny!!!!
Ya.. that’d suck LARGE !!!
Perfect for the challenge.
_LoA
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)
Posted 3 months ago

ouch. poor guy
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
Mistress Elsha Hawk
Posted 3 months ago

I second Sarah, and say…he needs to investigate this new revelation!
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
[ wall.doll ]
Posted 3 months ago

Ha! I didn’t get what was wrong at first, until i reread it a second time. I couldn’t help but to chuckle.
I wonder what kind of return policy came with the ring?
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
NightMaiden
Posted 3 months ago

Oh, dear. Ohhh, dear. >.< That’s definitely a ruined moment. Thanks for entering! I had to read it over once to completely catch on (I’m a little slow XD) and then I noticed it. Great job!
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
.:band baby:.
Posted 3 months ago

I must admit, I had to read it over again as well. I like how you made it so sutle that you really have to pay attention to notice!
LoA
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
thebetweenspace
Posted 3 months ago

Talk about a crushing moment. I completely skimmed over the names the first time, but I had a feeling that was it. Ouch!
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

That chick’s a total whore. Does not deserve the candlelit dinner. Great job on ruining the moment!
One note, you’ve got an confused sentence in there: “Then she was opened the door.” I think “was” needs to be executed.
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
Ana Cristina
Posted 3 months ago

Thanks for the edit; “was” has met its untimely end.
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
Krulltar
Posted 3 months ago

made me remember At This Moment by Billy Vera & The Beaters
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
One Time, One Chance
Posted 3 months ago

wonderfully ruined.
=]
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
CrescentDreams
Posted 3 months ago

Ouch. Missed the name thing the first read through. Really well done.
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
Akuhyou
Posted 3 months ago

Oh damn… That has to hurt…big time… And I agree with John… Total whore.
God, I feel so sorry for poor Eric… He had everything set up for the perfect moment and was going to ask the big question…

That was truly a perfect moment…ruined.
What did you just say? [Perfect Moment Ruined Challenge]
OrangeOreos
Posted 3 months ago

Sucks to be him.

Enough said.

Great imagery and really great twist.