Ficlets

American Pressure

“Wow, Jonathan, you really know how to let a girl down easy,” said Denise. Jonathan and Denise were stationed at a spot known to the local teenagers as a place where lives and reputations were either ruined or enhanced.

“Really, why would you even take me here if you weren’t interested in me? And I thought girls were supposed to be a tease,” she continued. Jonathan’s eyes betrayed him as they cowered away from her angry glare and began to stare at the full moon through his windshield. He noticed that it was incredibly dirty and his entire car needed cleaning.

“Do you know how many guys would kill to come here with me, huh? I am a wanted person, and I fulfill the things that guys need. My friends told me not to come here with a loser like you, but I decided to give you a chance. Whatever, I’m about to leave.” Her last words trailed and left a tone that said, “Make your next move very carefully.”

Jonathan silently turned to Denise, leaned over her scantily clad body, and opened the passenger door.

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

American Pressure
AwkwardlyReversed
Posted 3 months ago

oh damn i didnt see those last five words coming
nice
American Pressure
Kelli
Posted 3 months ago

I know a guy just like this.

The name is the same too.
Very nice
American Pressure
Eckhouse
Posted 3 months ago

I really like this, although it’s also frustrating to read because 2008 Me would love to go back and tell Back Then Me to stop worrying and swing away. Great title, too.
American Pressure
thebetweenspace
Posted 3 months ago

I love the ending, unexpected but perfectly fitting somehow. Well crafted scene. Well done.
American Pressure
Ana Cristina
Posted 3 months ago

I agree with tbs, the ending is perfect, and you set it up (i.e. “scantily clad body”) so that it’s not what we expect to happen at all, even if Denise completely deserves it.
American Pressure
Krulltar
Posted 3 months ago

very good story.
American Pressure
Mistress Elsha Hawk
Posted 3 months ago

Yes, perfect ending! I was hoping it would go like that! So nice to have a character we cheer for!

Welcome to Ficlets.
American Pressure
charlesj
Posted 3 months ago

Oh man, I pulled something similar to Jonathan. I still haven’t decided if I made the right decision or not! I had no idea what was going to happen until the last five words. Great work!
American Pressure
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

Passing up a sure thing like that? He’ll regret that decision.
One note. You need a pronoun in this phrase: “leaned over scantily clad body.”