Ficlets

.357 - Remorse

I’ve got regrets. Lots of ‘em. Should’ve been a lawyer. Or a salesman. Anything but a cop.

Cooper was sitting at his kitchen table, staring at the .357 on the table. Bullets were scattered around it haphazardly. Six chambers, but about twenty bullets.

He smirked.

Yeah, I’ve got regrets. But none like that night. What a thing that was.

Cooper watched the rain crashing on the grill out back. Should’ve covered it. he thought

He glared back down at the gun. It looked heavy, its dull finish a contrast to the pine wood it sat on.

“Dammit.” he cursed himself through restrained tears.

His right hand reached out and picked the gun up. He popped the cylinder out to the side and slowly dropped five bullets into the chambers, one at a time, leaving one chamber empty.

It seemed heavier tonight. Heavier than that night.

Cooper lifted the gun up to his temple, shifting the grip in his hand. Finally, a tear fell.

“Daddy?” came a small voice from behind him. “What’s wrong?”

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

.357 - Remorse
John Perkins
Posted 3 months ago

Whoa. Chilling, and very well done.
.357 - Remorse
The Unnamable
Posted 3 months ago

Gritty and heavy. I really liked it.

-Also nice to see a fellow Oklahoman on here (I’m from Tulsa, myself).
.357 - Remorse
KevMullins
Posted 3 months ago

Extremely well written and, as john said, chilling. I hope there will be more to this entry.
.357 - Remorse
Krulltar
Posted 3 months ago

I love the film noir quality of his internal thoughts that are reminisant of the 50’s style detective novels. This is a great ficlet. I have an idea for a sequel, but I’m going to sleep on it tonight to see if you sequel it, and to see if the my idea makes it through the night.
.357 - Remorse
Browncoatben
Posted 3 months ago

Thanks All
@Krulltar – Please go ahead and SQL . My writing style must be of a sort that makes people want the next installment, but not want to write it themselves. I love to see other people’s spin on my stuff, so I encourage you to write your sequel. In fact, I won’t write a sequel out of protest until you do!
.357 - Remorse
thebetweenspace
Posted 3 months ago

I love the film noir kind of storytelling here. Very dark setup and chilling as the child comes in at the end.
.357 - Remorse
RainDance
Posted 3 months ago

Oooo. I want to know more about “that night.”
Very, very good.
.357 - Remorse
Apostrophe
Posted 3 months ago

wow.. this story grabs your attention, and it
makes you wonder why hes got a gun to his head. The child’s voice really makes the ending come together.. its a breathtaking finale.. please by all means, proceed
.357 - Remorse
Krulltar
Posted 3 months ago

I see you sequeled a prequel :)
anyway, I added my sequel. Hopefully it dovetails into your plans.
.357 - Remorse
Stovohobo
Posted 3 months ago

I could imagine this being a moving frame in a black and white comic. A gritty one, of course, with plenty of feeling and hardboiled coppiness. I like how you made him more vulnerable than what is the detective-story “status quo.”
.357 - Remorse
ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫
Posted 3 months ago

This is just wickedly good!
One of these days i’ll try a film-noir style..
nice work.
.357 - Remorse
Ana Cristina
Posted 3 months ago

Neat set-up. I love the use of detail here.
.357 - Remorse
gemminx
Posted 3 months ago

Bravo! Refreshingly well done.
.357 - Remorse
JLaughter
Posted 3 months ago

Man, you know I’m a sucker for everything Film-Noir. I dig it, looking forward to more!