Ficlets

Sgt. Jason Coleman

“Thank you, Mrs. Mitchell,” Father Brenner said. “Would anyone else like to share a memory?”

Sgt. Jason Coleman walked up to the podium in his dress uniform. He flashed a brilliant smile and said, “I’ve met some wonderful people today. Peter Mitchell surrounded himself with the people he loved, and he missed you all so very much. I led our squad on the day he fell. It was just a routine patrol and it’s hard to even talk about it now. Peter always told me he prided himself in never losing a friend. Whenever he’d get into it with somebody, he’d always say that life is too short to lose a friend. Funny how he always said that, huh?”

Jason stopped as a steady stream of tears fell down his smooth black cheeks. He put his hands to his eyes, paused, and said, “Sorry, just a second. Peter, um… Peter said his father taught him that life is too short to lose a friend. Now that I’ve met his Dad, Tom, I can understand why he lived his life that way. Pete never liked crying. Hang on-”

“It’s O.K., son,” Tom said.

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

Sgt. Jason Coleman
BARomero
Posted 3 months ago

My only suggestion here is to end the last sentence with Tom said. It’s a little jarring to end your Ficlet mid-sentence. Sort Sopranos-ish…
Sgt. Jason Coleman
YodaOnCrack
Posted 3 months ago

Yeah, not really in the spirit of a ficlet. The whole short story is here:
http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=211797

I use ficlets for writing practice – it’s great for that & feedback (all feedback) is helpful. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Sgt. Jason Coleman
Blusparrow
Posted 3 months ago

Wow, so he was a soldier. They must of really cared about him. This is very very good!
LoA
Sgt. Jason Coleman
THX 0477
Posted 3 months ago

Very sweet, bordering on ironic maybe. I’m probably using it wrong. Solidly, carefully written.
Sgt. Jason Coleman
$N555champ /\and/\ X-Ninja (LoA)'s Buddy Icon$ N555champ /\and/\ X-Ninja (LoA)
Posted 2 months ago

solid writing (i’m such a copier) I would call it safe, not taking it over the edge and not making it t odull either.