A Crime Beyond Atonement

by [ wall.doll ]

Add to AIMShare

“No.”

She barely breathed it. It took a few seconds for it to take effect, and as it did his face, hopeful, nervous, and expecting all at once, crumpled. Confused at first, then wrinkled in pain.

The word had been but a whisper, but the force it had bestowed upon him was the sonic blast following a star’s implosion.

She was immediately overwhelmed with the temptation to cradle his head in her arms, whispering fiercely that she hadn’t meant it. But she knew she could not. She knew the truth before the word had settled on her lips.

She watched as his eyes drowned in tears. Seeing his heart break decimated her own. She deserved every bit of hell she would henceforth encounter; would scorn any happiness, if it would atone in any minute way for the destruction she had so cruelly placed in his life.

She slipped the ring from her finger and handed it back to him. He stared at her waist, breathing raggedly. He was a star imploding upon himself, and she was not sure she could stand to see the agony of the blast.

Prequels

Write a prequel

Sequels

Write a sequel

Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. A Crime Beyond Atonement

    [ wall.doll ]'s Buddy Icon [ wall.doll ]

    Posted about 1 month ago

    Wow, expressing what I needed to in the space I had was difficult. I really hope this conveyed enough of the emotion and tone.

  2. A Crime Beyond Atonement

    Wyatt Aapr's Buddy Icon Wyatt Aapr

    Posted about 1 month ago

    4.0 out of 5 stars

    This did indeed convey emotion and tone, however I’m a little confused by the last paragraph.

  3. A Crime Beyond Atonement

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted about 1 month ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    this was awesome! I like the star metaphors, and I feel for both of them! Such a sad moment!

  4. A Crime Beyond Atonement

    Mighty-Joe Young's Buddy Icon Mighty-Joe Young

    Posted about 1 month ago

    hopeful, nervous, and expecting all at once, crumpled. wow i never heard of a face crumpling that is awesome

  5. A Crime Beyond Atonement

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted about 1 month ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    This part gave me chills: “He was a star imploding upon himself[...]” Very moving piece. Normally I read stuff written from the POV of a heartbroken person – it was interesting to read something from the other perspective.

  6. A Crime Beyond Atonement

    Krulltar's Buddy Icon Krulltar

    Posted about 1 month ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Concise and clear, and not melodramatic. Brilliantly done.

Want to comment on this ficlet? You need to sign in!