My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

by Mighty-Joe Young

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The Coma
The box, a squacking crow,
mimmicks the stanzas of organ music
pumping the anthem in mechanized time
Maidens try to pray the
lifeless form, whose innards sing the muse
for the box,out of purgatory.
Cold coffee is the communion
as the surgeons conspire.
No sage to thwart demons,cigarette funeral
pyres.
Priests pass the Soma, numbing the guests.
The tailors hands roam the wife
measuring for her mourning dress.
Doctors decide when the spirit departs
They hear only debts, not sounds from the box
The box is a ripple but the water is calm.
It mocks the heart, how’s the soul gone?
The mother curses God, for her son she yearns
Silence the box The mortician needs a turn

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 4.5 stars out of 5

  1. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    chakatreatmentson!(LoA)'s Buddy Icon chakatreatmentson!(LoA)

    Posted 2 months ago

    wow this is really beautiful and unexpected,at least from you-no offense just you know faced with diabolical villainy you turn out this epic evocative paen to mortality- no matter how well i know you , you still have a few tricks stashed up your sleeves (and elsewheres i’d bet)

  2. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 2 months ago

    really deep, man! The villain is in the title, though the villainy is left to the imagination.

  3. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Mighty-Joe Young's Buddy Icon Mighty-Joe Young

    Posted 2 months ago

    hey g2 whenever i enter your challenges you dont read them…wait you do read them you just dont make fun of them, which is just as bad…just needlin ya..g2 l wont kill you as fast next time but at least you got in the headline lololol nice challenge

  4. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    g2 (la pianista irlandesa)'s Buddy Icon g2 (la pianista irlandesa)

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Hey! I do read your entries! Would you rather I do that, or make fun of them into the middle of next Tuesday? Take your pick, I’m in no hurry. ;-)
    This is just beautiful, leaving the villainy to one’s pondering. Thanks for entering!

  5. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Mighty-Joe Young's Buddy Icon Mighty-Joe Young

    Posted 2 months ago

    just messin wit ya Gangsta2

  6. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)'s Buddy Icon PyroPunk 51 (PPP LoA)

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Beautifully written. The villain seems to be the doctors?

  7. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Jenunique's Buddy Icon Jenunique

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    This is shocking all the way around. And I say this because a) didn’t expect a poem from you ;D and b) I actually understood the whole thing. I know I say this over and over but, I don’t read poetry because I just “don’t get it.” I have an idea of the villain, then again I am torn between a “them” and an “it.” ;)

  8. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    More Ways Than One's Buddy Icon More Ways Than One

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Wow, I love this. The description, the characters, and actions. It is really great. =)

  9. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫'s Buddy Icon ALRO613 ♪ LoA ♫

    Posted 2 months ago

    3.0 out of 5 stars

    This is awesome dude!! man oh man.. just when i thought you were full of whimsical craziness mixed with awesomeness – you pull something like this out of your A$$!!!
    absolutely stupendous, man!! I really loved it.

  10. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Mighty-Joe Young's Buddy Icon Mighty-Joe Young

    Posted 2 months ago

    i feel like sally fields from this little poem.lol

  11. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Krulltar's Buddy Icon Krulltar

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Not sure how I missed reading this already, but this is freakin’ awesome and really deep! A complete stroke of genius worth more than 5 stars, but that’s all I can give.

    Anyway, It reminded me of the Metallica’s One . Also, I think everyone assumes that the victim is American or British, but the pass the Soma gives away that it’s an Iraqi. so the real villian here could be an American Soldier.

  12. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Krulltar's Buddy Icon Krulltar

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    Not sure how I missed reading this already, but this is freakin’ awesome and really deep! A complete stroke of genius worth more than 5 stars, but that’s all I can give.

    Anyway, It reminded me of the Metallica’s One . Also, I think everyone assumes that the victim is American or British, but the pass the Soma gives away that it’s an Iraqi. so the real villian here could be an American Soldier.

  13. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Mighty-Joe Young's Buddy Icon Mighty-Joe Young

    Posted 2 months ago

    you know how decarte has the problem of other minds like you cant prove your arent god, i sometimes wonder if krulltar isnt really god…..

  14. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Krulltar's Buddy Icon Krulltar

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    um…thanks

  15. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    There is something very Sylvia Plath about this, both in the imagery and the tone (this is a compliment – Plath is one of my favorites). I’m not used to this style of writing from you, Mighty-Joe. This was a pleasant surprise, and if I could give you more than five stars, I would.

  16. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    Ana Cristina's Buddy Icon Ana Cristina

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    There is something very Sylvia Plath about this, both in the imagery and the tone (this is a compliment – Plath is one of my favorites). I’m not used to this style of writing from you, Mighty-Joe. This was a pleasant surprise, and if I could give you more than five stars, I would.

  17. My cousin was in a coma from being shot in iraq or you decide who the real villian is.(Diabolically Villainous Challenge)

    OrangeOreos' Buddy Icon OrangeOreos

    Posted 2 months ago

    It’s awesome how there could be so many villains, and it touches lots of people with it’s message.

    Very, very good.

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