656 Feet Down

by Bag of Sand

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“No, it’s not even close to the worst place I’ve ever slept. Actually, the sleeps not bad. It’s definitely not the worst thing.”

“Really?”

“I’ll tell ya, boy, there’s nothing better after a long day on your feet than a hammock. Not a damn thing.”

“Huh. What’s the worst part then.”

“The worst part of life on a submarine isn’t the stink or the constant pressure outside or the grub. Not even close. The worst part is when the captain calls you to battle stations and then clams up.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Think about it, boy. You’re working on the engine, or somethin’ and the captain gets on the horn and says “run silent, battlestations.” You know something’s out there but you don’t know what other than it wants to kill you and all your friends. You dn’t know if its on top of you or underneath you or about to blow you up. If it hits you, you won’t know until your lungs pop. That’s the worst part.”

“How do you deal with it?”

“You cling to your friends and if you can’t, you go crazy.”

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Comments

Average Reader Rating: 5.0 stars out of 5

  1. 656 Feet Down

    Wyatt Aapr's Buddy Icon Wyatt Aapr

    Posted 2 months ago

    I think this story would be stronger is you started with ‘The worst part of life…’ But you have a good tale going.

  2. 656 Feet Down

    THX 0477's Buddy Icon THX 0477

    Posted 2 months ago

    I thought it worked as dropping us in the middle of a conversation already in progress, perhaps not something you would do in a longer piece, but practically required for ficlets, short as they are. Minor point, ‘sleeps’ should have an apostrophe in it.

  3. 656 Feet Down

    Bag of Sand's Buddy Icon Bag of Sand

    Posted 2 months ago

    I had achieved “ficlet nirvana” so I figured the apostrophe would hold.

  4. 656 Feet Down

    Melia's Buddy Icon Melia

    Posted 2 months ago

    5.0 out of 5 stars

    I agree with THX – it really works to start it where you did. And it just has the great feel of a vet who’s perhaps a little haunted by his time in the sub. Loved it. And Yay ficlet nirvana!

  5. 656 Feet Down

    Oy's Buddy Icon Oy

    Posted 2 months ago

    Were you a war vet?

  6. 656 Feet Down

    Oy's Buddy Icon Oy

    Posted 2 months ago

    Were you a war vet?

  7. 656 Feet Down

    Oy's Buddy Icon Oy

    Posted 2 months ago

    Were you a war vet?

  8. 656 Feet Down

    Oy's Buddy Icon Oy

    Posted 2 months ago

    Were you a war vet?

  9. 656 Feet Down

    Oy's Buddy Icon Oy

    Posted 2 months ago

    Sorry, my computer glitched

  10. 656 Feet Down

    Bag of Sand's Buddy Icon Bag of Sand

    Posted 2 months ago

    No problem.

    No I’m not a war vet, but I’ve got some in the family. No Navy men, though.

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