I've Got a Bad Feeling About This [Use Your Senses Challenge]

by THX 0477

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I don’t like this smell. I’m not sure, but it seems oily and salty. I wish I could see some source, but my vision is a kaleidoscope of flashing colors and blurred shapes. The pain at the base of my skull explains that, I suppose.

The world speeds up, slows down, then speeds up slowly. I roll across a limited space on a rough surface, like old, worn carpet, unsympathetically scratchy. Hard surfaces surround me and assault me as I shift within this tiny world. A soft mass lies behind me, the one refuge, though a worrisome one.

Joints simultaneously numb and in pain give conflicting information. Though I can hardly think, I know I’m not in a comfortable position. The thrum of a road beneath me sounds my death toll. A taste in my mouth, sickeningly familiar and salty, confirms my dire suspicions.

Encumbered as my senses are, one last sense does not fail me. I know without knowing. I feel without feeling. That voice in the back of my head, my extra sense, tells it like it is: I’m a dead man.

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Comments

  1. I've Got a Bad Feeling About This [Use Your Senses Challenge]

    Mistress Elsha Hawk's Buddy Icon Mistress Elsha Hawk

    Posted 2 months ago

    Very good! I’m guessing trapped in a trunk, near another body. :) I like how as his senses become clearer, we gain an understanding of what’s going on. :)

  2. I've Got a Bad Feeling About This [Use Your Senses Challenge]

    Krulltar's Buddy Icon Krulltar

    Posted 2 months ago

    I loved the line “thrum of a road beneath me sounds my death toll”. IMHO , this came across a bit choppy; it seemed that some senses were added to conform to the challenge, and not for the purpose of advancing the story.

  3. I've Got a Bad Feeling About This [Use Your Senses Challenge]

    kwatz's Buddy Icon kwatz

    Posted 2 months ago

    Very well written, as usual. I thought it slightly stronger at the beginning when the incorporation of the senses just seemed to flow with the story. Good job.

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