Ficlets

The Great Fairwell

She didn’t want to believe it was true. Her father was leaving that morning. She liked to think that the 8 month journey over seas wasn’t real. That any moment her father would come back and sweep her up in his strong inviting arms. They would go fishing every sunday after chapel and mama would always yell at her for getting herself dirty. She was in the bathroom pulling her long brown hair into a tight ponytail. She didn’t want to leave the comfort of her familys bathroom. For she knew as when she did, it would be time to leave for the train station. When she stepped out of the bathroom , they began the silent trip to the champlain local train station. After her family had said there goodbyes to her father, her time finally came. They hugged until he broke the silence with a verse of a poem. “The flower of the stem blooms more with courage to fight against the storm.” They kissed and hugged some more. When the whistle blew, she whispered in her dad’s ear, “Papa, don’t leave me, I love you.”

Comments

Average Reader Rating:

The Great Fairwell
Saint Chuck
Posted about 1 year ago

This is really sad. I love the line from the poem.
The Great Fairwell
LiSteN2MeE11
Posted about 1 year ago

i love it!
its so sad and i can relate to it!
good job
brought a tear to my eye-(thts a good thing)
The Great Fairwell
khepa
Posted about 1 year ago

nicely done. i like it.
The Great Fairwell
YodaOnCrack
Posted about 1 year ago

I grew up as an Air Force brat – my Dad was a pilot and was deployed to El Salvador when I was about 12 years old. While this may or may not be about a military family, I certainly enjoyed it and can relate to the emotional impact. The picture is perfect for this story as well. Great job!
The Great Fairwell
Baby Doll
Posted about 1 year ago

Great job on that story, Very Sad

awesome!☼☼
The Great Fairwell
User 2808
Posted about 1 year ago

Two words: Spell check. =D
The Great Fairwell
User 2813
Posted about 1 year ago

I didn’t like it. To me, it seemed forced and insincere to me, sentimental and lacking in real emotion. To me, it seemed like an idealistic portrait of two-dimensional people. The subject matter is powerful and full of potential, but, to me, it seems that it was communicated weakly.
The Great Fairwell
Zohra Picouly
Posted about 1 year ago

” it seemed like an idealistic portrait of two-dimensional people. The subject matter is powerful and full of potential, but, to me, it seems that it was communicated weakly”

I have to agree. I think you need to add some spice to it. You need to give the story something that people haven’t read before. There has to be a reason to keep your audience reading. So far is seems like a piece anyone could write. Add something that makes you, and your piece, unique. Build off of this, and good luck!
The Great Fairwell
User 2883
Posted about 1 year ago

I’m with 2808: this author should make use of spell check. It’s hard to appreciate a story when there are so many misspelled words. The story could use some work as well. It reads like the author has not really experienced this kind of separation in their own life. The old adage “Write what you know” is very appropriate here.
The Great Fairwell
Samantha Woodland
Posted about 1 year ago

Its about the words. Not the spelling.
Great job, man, I loved it.
The Great Fairwell
User 2813
Posted about 1 year ago

Yes, it’s most definitely about the words, and words are more important than spelling. However, it helps if words are spelled correctly, unless alternative spelling is part of the author’s artistic intention. This way, the words communicate effectively and the reader is not distracted from their power by unintentional spelling errors. Grammatical and spelling errors (generally) take us out of the “dream” or sensory scene that the writer is trying to convey. Just a tip to help the author hone their craft.