Right then, all my friends jumped out from where they were hiding and yelled “Surprise!” It was a special birthday party.

Well, that had been the plan. But actually my captors had infiltrated the party planning as part of their plot to kidnap me. When my family and friends jumped out, they thought they were watching my fake kidnapping, and so I did too.

“Everybody shut up—this is real!” shouted their leader, a short, rooster-like woman I soon came to know was Debbie. The guests looked at each other and laughed, mildly.

“They really gotcha!” one of my cousins called out from the crowd.

“Silence!” commanded Debbie. “This is a real kidnapping, and you are our hostages. Do exactly as we say, and no one will get hurt. But make one sound, and it’s the end of the 4th quarter, for you, and for your precious little quarterback!”

Her laugh was dark and echoing. And then my stupid cousin had to go and laugh along.