I can never fall asleep. I’m too afraid. I’m afraid of the monsters. “I’m too old for this.” I groan to myself as I cower in the dark. I reach for my phone and press speed dial # 2. Will, my boyfriend answers. “Hey Baby! Wat cha doing?” He is too stoned to console me but I continue talking to him for a couple minutes. He has to go. The panic attack worsens as I hang up the phone. I know they are in the room, they are taunting me with their pressense. Speed dial # 1. A tired hello squeeks over the line. “Drew? I’m going crazy.” “Calm down. Tell me what happened.” I continue talking to him, he always calms me down. I love him. After I get off the phone I talk to Drew for hours on AIM . WebMD. I enter my symptoms.
Schizophrenia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Insomnia, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Fuck. How do I talk to my Mom about this? Drew will understand. He holds me as I softly cry. I’m not afraid. For once I feel safe.