Ficlets

H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)

I was fuming. He was the most irritating person I knew. And with me, explosive anger = incoherency. Prepare yourself. I’m so pathetic it’s almost indecent.

I started yelling. And trust me, he deserved the too-close-for-comfort view of my tonsils.

“I hate you!”

“What did I do?”

“You existed.”

“Shut up.”

“Go to h-” My voice abruptly stopped on the “it” word. Ugh. Here we go. I tried again.

“Go to h- ....Go there!”

”.....where?”

“THERE, GO THERE !! THERE !”

“What??”

“The place with flames! The devil’s…hometown!!”

He stared at me with fear in his heart. I sympathized for about…one second. Then I got over it.

“GO. TO. H-” An eye twitched.

“What?”

“Fire! Brimstone! The Underworld! Beezlebub’s hidey-hole…The place where you’re going!”

“Um…away from you?”

I yanked him back and he staggered into me.

He growled: “What the hell?”

I beamed and promptly kissed him on the cheek. My torture was over, ended, gone forever.

...

Wait a second…

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H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Amaryllis
Posted 11 months ago

Sorry if this seems weird, but I had the idea, and voila! It’s written and published before I can have second thoughts.

Do you guys get it? Euphemisms are like “nicer” ways of saying things that shouldn’t be said. I know euphemisms aren’t necessarily little-known, but I’m pretty sure they aren’t used much in literature itself, so I just went ahead with it.

It’s definitely not that great though.
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Amaryllis
Posted 11 months ago

Oh yeah. I read somewhere that back then, in some books, they used words like, “here” and “there” to represent “hell” because it was improper =)

And I’m sorry for the use of the word in the first place. I never cuss. But this seemed like a funny idea.
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
blueyedwonder
Posted 11 months ago

lol. this was funny. i liked it.
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
SKermitgorf
Posted 11 months ago

I enjoyed it very very much, the character that didnt want to cuss was wonderfuly written, sure a lot of euphemisms for heck, dantes inferno,that place thats hot that they gnash and gind their teeth. loved it
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Amaryllis
Posted 11 months ago

=D Thanks
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Stovohobo
Posted 11 months ago

Ha, you have such a great writing style. This one was funny, and I would probably use every euphemism I had to avoid cussing (even if using “hell” in certain context isn’t a curse. Well, when you’re telling someone to “go to”—see? That context isn’t good.) =)
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Amaryllis
Posted 11 months ago

Thanks! =) It’s kinda refreshing to see someone, albeit, a made-up someone, who goes to the extreme of looking stupid in order to avoid cussing.

Btw, in case my definition of a euphemism was unclear to anyone who didn’t already know what it was, I wikied it =)

“Euphemism is the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the listener.”
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Laine P. Grey
Posted 11 months ago

Nice job conveying the frustration, although, the storyline was a bit shaky.
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Amaryllis
Posted 11 months ago

Thanks, yeah, I think I see what you mean.

If anyone got confused, the setting is probably at school or something like that, given the appearance of the cheerleaders.
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Alexa ♥
Posted 11 months ago

I think if you set the scene in the beginning, that might help.
_{The cussing didn’t bother me. As Mom says, Hell is just a place. The worst swear is “Da*”, because then you’re wishing someone be in Hell for all eternity.}
The devil’s…hometown*
Nearly did a spittake because of the laughing. Let me know if you rewrite it.
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Amaryllis
Posted 11 months ago

Interesting view on the cussing. I never thought of it like that =)
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Alexa ♥
Posted 11 months ago

The re-write is better. I decided to do a sequel as a result.
H-E-Double-Hockeysticks (Euphemism)
Hannah Faith
Posted 11 months ago

This is an awesome ficlet! I love the avoidance of foul language! ^.