I learned at a very young age to stay away from Jesus. All he ever brought me was death. Some say those who believe go to heaven when they die. They’re simply optimists.

No, I stayed away from from God all together. I’m no satan worshiper but I hadn’t spent Sunday morning in a Church since Jesus killed my gramma when I was 6.

I never told anyone; they would’ve shunned me or something. I thought Catholics believed in ‘hate the sin, love the sinner,’ but not a one of them loved an atheist. When questioned, I lied, and that’s what led to this whole mess. You see, lying quickly becomes a way of life, and soon I was a compulsive liar with an IQ of 135, 5 older siblings, a mother in Africa caring for orphans, and a beemer (all lies by the way).