Your opening description doesn’t exactly inspire an atmosphere that “could make even the heaviest crack addict mellow out.” Maybe the smooth jazz melody, but certainly not the cigarette smoke. All the smoke you’re intimating would create an atmosphere (like low level smog or cirro-stratus clouds) that would make them MORE jittery. Also, if you’re a nicotine addict, all that smoke is going to have you JONESING for a hit and you’re not going to want to be in there for very long. You have a logic fault.

He lit his second to last smoke, insinuating that he has smoked many in this place. So he’s not jonesing, he’s probably the creator of most of it. As far as the crack addict reference, I’ve never been addicted to crack nor tried it, but my friend’s father had a bout with it and I doubt the smoke would make them more jittery. He never had a problem with clouds of it in his house.

It has a good style, but I think it needs to be tightened a little bit – just gentle tweaks, I swear. (Except for what Greymalkin said. Not being a crack addict myself, I don’t know if he’s right, but it merits investigation. Other than that, nice hyperbole.)

it is well descripted because u can paint a picture in ur mind but the intro was kinda whatever