I can’t explain what he does to my heart
It’s something exhilarating
Inexplicable
Sheer magic
Something new
yet familiar
Warm and comforting
Rough and dangerous.
He doesn’t know how I feel.
“What a stupid guy!” I yell
full of irritation at his obsolence.
I pray, daydream,
I write desperate-sounding emails
Wanting him to understand
and yet scared he doesn’t feel the same way.
I hate myself for my cowardice
and love this feeling that overflows in my heart
What a strange way to live,
and yet I’m used to it.
Because it’s worth it
when my heart dances.