I’ve memorized every scent, every texture, every piece of furniture in Ben’s house. The paintings on the walls, which light switch does what, the sound of his mother’s footsteps, the softest spot on his couch; all are details permentaly etched into my mind.
And no matter how long it’s been since my last visit, I’m always treated as if I never left.

The urge to kiss him tonight was incredible, but just as easily suppressable. All I had to do was remember the immense pain I had let him put me through just to satisfy a physical desire.
“It wasn’t worth it then, it wouldn’t be worth it now,” I thought over and over again as I glued my body to the opposite end of the couch.
With any other guy, I would’ve gone for it. Lived in the moment, given into my basic human urges.
But with Ben, it was different. It always would be.

I had given him everything. My trust. My time. My love. But most importantly, I had given him my heart.
Which, whether he knew it or not, was still in his possesion to this very day.